I can feel it from here; you are asking why you should insure your relationship. And if it becomes necessary, why does it have to be at Christmas? Take a seat and let me explain the whole concept to you.
Christmas beckons. We all can feel it in the air; the bells are jingling (from a near by Cele Church), the carols are being heard from a distance, the town is going green and red, and chickens (most of which are on hunger strike) are getting ready for their usual ritual.
Christmas is generally a period of happiness and sharing love. Little wonder Santa is in the business of putting smiles on kiddies faces since 1865. But some folks have it differently when festive periods like Christmas is around the corner. Not because something tragic happened to them or they are just sadists who do not celebrate, but because they usually lose someone special – or they thought was special – during festive periods.
A vast majority of those folks already know this, and they are preparing for it.
All year long, he will be there for you emotionally; providing support for you in terms of your companionship needs, but he becomes flighty (Awon ti Super Eagles) when festive periods like this come. He is apparently afraid of spending money to take you out, buy gifts and give you a nice Christmas season. So he looks you in the eye and tells you “Why is my toothbrush facing South instead of North? I’m sorry I can’t continue.” and he breaks up (albeit temporarily) and later make up when the festive season is gone. Sounds familiar?
According to statistics, an average of 12.5 million ladies (which lonely human beings do this research sef) lose their boyfriends globally during festive seasons. USA and UK accounts for just a combined 15% of the entire number. We don’t have a reliable statistics for relationships in Nigeria, but the little devil in me (based on what I have seen over the years) thinks that as high as 40% of the total figure comes from here. If you believe or not, do a random sampling of the general behaviour of boyfriends during festive periods.
Lest I forget, this article is for the affected folks, who face the pain of loneliness every year because their boyfriends just won’t spend! I have good news for you, hope you have a pen and paper around.
Just like you can insure your house, car and other assets, and get paid in case there are damages, you can now also insure your relationship!
You don’t have to worry if your boyfriend breaks up with you because you called him ‘Boo’ instead of ‘Bae’, or if he breaks up because you fried two eggs for him when he asked for one. You will still have all the fun you want to have at Christmas without him – and who knows, you may just have fun with someone better and more willing to show you love all year round – thereby locking your BF out forever! You feel me?
Insuring your relationship has come at no better time. Do it before he outsmarts you. How you say? Well don’t be pushy and just offer comfort.. “Honey what’s wrong? Are you hungry, thirsty? Or you need Fellatio at half-time break of every EPL (his favorite team) match?”.
A lot of you may wonder why insure? If celebs insure their voice, body and even their dogs, why shouldn’t you insure your relationship and make sure your boyfriends never leave you during festive periods?
Just my opinion though, you are entitled to yours. *sips coffee*
– OLUMIDE LAWRENCE
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