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It is a famous saying these days that “love is never enough”. I am not here to verify the viability or otherwise of the statement but will offer to say that, in almost all relationship, there is that point when we feel like we could do with some excitement. Yay or Nah? This article offers an understanding and what you can do when love begins to wither in your relationship.
This need for excitement is undoubtedly common in all forms of relationships; both in committed but not contracted (marriage) relationships, as well as in the contracted relationship. In the latter though, since the parties have not been legally bound there is usually an ease in the movement of a; and/or both parties towards the areas in which their antennas can track down their frequency of excitement which can be translated to cheating.
In the above referenced relationship, when the issue of cheating cannot be tolerated or on the other hand, if the strength of the newly found excitement is stronger than what was shared with the former partner, both partners usually resolve to go their separate ways (after all, they have not been tied).
But what happens when this need for excitement creeps up in a contracted relationship? Please let’s not delude ourselves by saying “God forbid it can’t happen to me” or worse still, “my love is solid”. Research has it that relationships undergo 5 undeniable stages namely;
- The romance (falling in love) stage;
- The power struggle (becoming a couple) stage;
- The stability (disillusionment ) stage;
- The commitment (cresting real lasting love) stage; and
- The co-creation/bliss (the power of two) stage.
From the stages identified, you can see that your state of mind when in a relationship changes with time; sadly, the first stage which is the force that brings individuals together does not remain so for long; however, the way a stage is managed determines the quality of the following stages.
Since we do not remain the same the longer we stay in a relationship, it means that it is not love (alone) that has endured the relationship of most couples. I have heard from some couples that relationships breakdown when both parties in the relationship give up, and fail to try to make it work; but then again it is stated by those same couples that both parties do not usually put in the same effort towards sustaining the relationship as the power to fight differ from person to person.
With this knowledge, the onus is on you at every point in time to give your partner a reason to fight and/or make an effort while you too must fight as hard as you can to move beyond the phase of disillusionment if it is where you really want to be.
So if you notice a failing of love, with you beginning to crave a different kind of excitement; before jumping ships, try the following;
- Examine yourself and see if you can still find the thing that attracted you to your partner;
- If you think he/she has recently developed a bad habit, think carefully again and see if you can convince yourself that the signs of the “new-offensive-bad habits” were not there from the beginning; if you cannot convince yourself then you have been lying to yourself from day one.
- Now that the “romance scales” have fallen off your eyes, can you live with the reality of the habits?
- And lastly, in the light of the impending breakdown, are there languages in your partner’s communication that suggest an effort to improve the situation?
Of course, the above stated self examination is almost only useful in non-contractual relationships (save for cases of abuse in a contracted relationship), whereas in a contracted relationship, communication cannot be overemphasised as the go-to reset tool; such that it can help the parties
- analyse the problem being faced
- communicate the individual’s resolve for better; and a change of attitude, as well as
- Reaffirm the good that each party bring to the live of the other.
I believe this will go a long way in helping you understand the situation and restore the much needed spark when love begins to wither in your relationship. In the case where you still have a burden of questions on your mind which I have not covered here, feel free to reach me by sending a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or to email@example.com.
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