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For a while now, I have been searching for an apt collection of Bro Codes but made little or no success of it until I found this on Amaka Nicholas‘ wall on Facebook. Perfecto! Every guy should read this and let me know if it suffices or there’s more that’s not yet captured here. Leggo!
I hate rules. Anyone who is close to me is aware of my hatred of rules.
When you step out of your house, you enter a world of rules; traffic rules, work rules, party rules, bar rules, etc. Rules just have a way of taking the fun out of life. However, when it comes to bro codes, that shit is sacred and not for chuckles. The code was created by men for all men to follow, no exceptions. If you do not know what the bro codes are, you are failing your fellow brethren.
Here are the 10 bro codes that can never be broken.
Code # 1
If your bro’s wife, side-chick or girlfriend asks you any tricky questions about his activities, it is your duty to deny any and everything. You do not know who his female friends are, you do not know what he did last night, you do not know his current location and you certainly do not know if he is talking to any other women. You are to back up your brothers at all times even if his woman threatens your life. Also, you are not allowed to be close friends with your bro’s wife or girlfriend. You cannot meet them for tea or lunch or ride together to a church event. If your bro’s woman tries to get close to you, develop an anti-social attitude and get the heck out of there.
Code # 2
Your bro’s sister is totally off limit. It does not matter how hot she is; you are not permitted to approach under no circumstances. You do not stare at her, you do not comment on her desirable features, you do not ogle at her and you do not dare try to have sex with her. Mess with your bro’s sister and you will find yourself sleeping with the fishes.
Code # 3
If your bro hits on a girl and he is about to score and cheat on his wife or girlfriend, you are allowed to have one intervention only. You are permitted to remind him once of the bad choice he is about to make. If he tells you to go screw yourself, you are released from any responsibilities from that time onwards. You have done your duty as a bro. Pay for his drink and yours and let him be.
Code # 4
Wingman duties are not optional. At any point in time, a bro will need your services as a wingman. You are expected to avail yourself immediately and report for duty when called upon. Wingman responsibilities are not negotiable. You must support your bro until he achieves his ultimate goal which is, score a hot chick or two if he so desires. After he scores, you can proudly declare that you have fulfilled your civic duty as a wingman.
Code # 5
Let me just get this out of the way since I have minor grievances with this code. I will, however, abide by this code until the brotherhood decides to make amends. Do not, and I repeat, do not ditch your friends for a girl. If you made plans to hang out with your bros and you run into a girl who seems nice, make arrangements to see her the next day. Do not break formation and separate yourself from the herd. There are a few exceptions, though. If you are guaranteed a score that very day or in the next few hours, your bros must give you a pass. Proof may be required if any of your bros suspect that you lied about the guarantee.
Code # 6
If your Bro shares any nudes he received from a woman, you are required to protect that evidence at all cost. You are not to share the evidence with anybody else. Your bros will trust that the picture deal is struck between just you and him and it should stay that way. Any evidence your bro shares with you cannot be discussed or shared with your wife or girlfriend; period!
Code # 7
If your bro is dressed horribly and his outfit could generate some level of disgrace for the male species, you are obligated to tell him that he looks horrible. Your bro shows up to the club with pink shoes, blue pants and a loud green shirt, you are responsible for dragging him out of the club and away from the public eye. If you are both rocking the same outfit, do your other bros a favor and entertain each other all evening. You are not to approach any bros looking like a peacock in public.
If your bro picks you to be his best man, it is an honor. As the best man, it is your duty and obligation to organize the best bachelor party ever. You are also expected to provide your bro with anything he needs for his pleasure; no questions asked. As a best man, you need to understand that your bro is about to turn himself in for a life sentence. It is your duty to make his last few moments of freedom as enjoyable as possible. You are never to speak of any activities that occurred prior to the wedding.
You are to take all of your bro’s secrets to your grave. Very importantly, do not forget to confiscate all cell phones at the bachelor party. Your bro will not ask you to do this but you are not to invite his future wife’s brother, male cousins, nephews etc. to the bachelor party. Do not let your bro down and ruin his last moments of freedom.
Code # 9
You must greet your bros appropriately at all times. If you must hug your bro, make sure your chests do not touch. A hug can never come before a handshake. All hugs must be accompanied with a pat on the back. Hugging must last no more than a second; this is not a soccer match. If you develop special handshakes or greetings, stick to that routine always unless you both agree to make a change.
Code # 10
I saved the most important code for last because this is a rule that can never, ever be broken by any man on this earth. Never go after or date your bro’s exes. I do not care if she is Yvonne Nelson or Yvonne Okoro. Even if she says it’s okay or she shows up at your house in the middle of the night in a bikini. You are not to touch your bro’s exes. If your bro breaks up with his girl, act like you broke up with her too. Also, never go after a girl your bro is already chasing. If you both meet a hot chick, whoever makes the first move gets to keep going after the prize.
All men are to follow these bro codes. Any violation of these bro codes will earn you an ass-whopping.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Over to you guys, what do you think about these bro codes? Have you been keeping all of them? Do they even make sense? Let’s hear from you.