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I hope the ladies won’t have my neck for this. But you see, we need to tell the truth to ourselves sometimes, in order to keep us in check and have us improve on those areas where it is needed. I am treating the issue of top lies ladies tell; either to themselves or to other people.
Most of the ladies who will be reading this should be able to identify with some lies which are peculiar to them. Here is a list of top ten lies ladies tell, in no particular order. Just arrange them according to how you frequently you use them in conversations. lol.
1. I don’t care how I look.
This one is a big fat rubbish lie. There is hardly any lady who doesn’t take extra time to look at her body, her face and general appearance before stepping out. Well, we can’t rule out the possibility of some ladies who have lost every sense of identity.
2. I will never fall in Love.
When a lady says this, I just smile and do the ‘Yimu’ nose twitching behind her head. When ladies are nursing a heartbreak or having a bad mood, or getting high on something that is not even remotely close to alcohol, they have a way of saying things in the opposite of what they really desire. Watch that babe saying she ain’t ever gonna do shit with love. After two months, she’s joggling between dates.
3. I’m a Virgin.
*chuckles* sorry, I spilled my drink on this way. But really, apart from their word, is there some other way to test? I can’t even argue this anymore. The rate of semi-virgins are increasing. Until it is time to get in there, you will never be totally sure it is true…or false. But many ladies like to pride themselves in this lie.
4. I have never seen a naked man.
Err…isn’t this kinda meaning that she is still a virgin? Well, not technically so. I mentioned earlier that our semi-virgins are on the increase. These days, we have ladies who do everything else apart from sex. They let you give them head, use your fingers and all sorta nonsense. Now tell me, how you gon do all that and still claim you have never seen a man naked? This lie must be from Jericho! We have to bring down the walls with a loud shout of NONSENSE! Let’s even assume you have never been found in compromising positions with any man, haven’t you also mistakenly walked into a naked man? Park well abeg!
5. I don’t like Money.
It is a special and rare talent to see a lady who doesn’t like money. It is almost impossible to find one! Trust me, the main reason ladies do 65% of what they do is for money! You can come for my head after doing a personal check on yourself and you find out I just lied about this. There is actually nothing wrong with liking money, so don’t bother about this lie; we don’t believe you. For the sake of all the Pizzas in Dominoes, it’s like saying you don’t have breast when we can see a twin tower on ur chest. Stop it biko.
6. I don’t fart.
Yes, we know you don’t. You are just an alien with no human features. I just hope you know it’s totally natural to fart…especially when it stinks!
7. I don’t like Men, I will like to remain single.
This is one lie that applies to all except two groups of ladies; the lesbians and the group of women who are too busy trying to be independent. If a lady doesn’t belong to any of these two, foggerit, she is bluffing…not even a tomboy!
8. I will and have never given or received BJ.
*coughs* I don’t think there is any point trying to argue this with those ladies who have romantically held the microphone with glee. My special annoyance is for those who say they have never and will never. My advise; wait till you are married.
9. I don’t care if my man cheats, as long as I don’t know.
Yes, we know you shouldn’t know but can you just stop snooping around and trying to dig out facts that will make you go crazy and want to break our heads? If you really don’t care, then act it. Leave our phones alone, stop asking friends to keep an eye on us and stop asking questions like the detective that you are not. it’s just that simple!
10. I will forgive and forget
This is another inborn trait of a woman; I mean the art of never forgiving and forgetting. Even some of our mothers still remember stuff we did as a child and can easily recall how exactly it happened. So who are you to tell me you forgive and forget? Let’s even say you forgive…the forgetting part is a big farce.
Do you agree with this list of lies ladies tell? Have I missed out anything? Did I write too much? Did I not explain something clearly? Can you just stop sneering and leave me a comment? Now, that’s my girl. Hehehehe.
I am still SILICON.