Almost every girl gets this experience; you are single and willing to mingle, but not much is happening around you in terms of dating. The guys you want and really like are not forthcoming, most of those you see are just meh! Then like a bright light at the end of the tunnel, your prince charming shows up and boom! You are in a relationship.
Just when you are beginning to settle down for the roller coaster of a love ride, different guys begin to show up from different places; all wanting to ‘get serious’ with you! And these are not just any kind of guys! They are your spec; the type you would have jumped at when you were single.
“Where were you all when I was available?” You begin to ask yourself.
To make matters worse, they wouldn’t leave when you tell them you are with someone. They keep bumping into you, sending you messages, trying to buy you things and just play the role of a side-boo.
This is where it gets really tough for a lot of ladies.
I have heard a lot of taken ladies complain at this stage and they wonder why these guys suddenly decided to show up only after things are beginning to look good. Today, I have the answers, and I believe it will help a lot of ladies out there; single or taken!
In solving the mystery of why taken ladies are pestered by ‘eligible’ guys, I did a random survey among guys, asking if they would gladly chase a taken girl and why. The summary of responses I got is what I have decided to share in this article.
1. There is a SIGNIFICANT CHANGE.
Taken ladies may not take note, but guys are very quick to sniff out a significant difference between a taken and a single lady. If they knew you whilst you were single, they would often decipher a change in you when you start dating. How does that happen? Here’s the trick.
When a lady starts a new relationship, subtle, but significant, changes occur in her energy, which reflects in her interactions with men. This change is usually fueled by happiness.
A taken lady who’s in a relationship with a man she clearly appreciates will be happy, and that happiness will begin to flow through her actions. You begin to sense it in the way she talks, her carriage and even her attitude. This enthusiasm and vibrant energy is what a lot of guys look out for. If you are genuinely happy person, you will glow and guys will sense it. The more people see that your world is awesome, the more they want to be part of it.
Many guys, if they do not know before, are usually not willing to let go when they eventually find out the lady is taken. My friend, Ronald puts it this way, “The moment we find out she is taken, she becomes double attractive!”
Admittedly, it can be sometimes difficult to let go of someone so awesome, you find yourself hoping they just leave their man, or perhaps, they give you a taste of that awesomeness.
Real guys know when to take a walk though, but some other guys keep on trying.
2. Going for the HARD CHASE!
It’s common knowledge that guys are natural hunters. The excitement that comes with hunting is in going for that hard prey, and celebrating when you eventually make a catch. With Single Ladies, some guys believe they can predict their chances already, just by doing a few things. But with Taken Ladies, the odds are stacked up against them, and that’s when they would need all the strategies they can ever muster.
The thrill of this chase is what makes them keep going for a woman who belongs to someone else. Olakunle, when asked, had this to say;
“We mostly want what we can’t have. It’s a natural feeling with men. When we find a taken lady, we become spurred to make a chase. Even if we do not win, we still take victories in those small moments of weakness that may be shown by the lady. This fuels the male ego, and makes him believe he is irresistible.”
There you go Ladies. The attraction comes, and sometimes linger just because some of these guys see you as a hard sport. Knowing this, I believe, will help you understand how to deal with them.
The lesson for single ladies here is to be careful about passing off an easy impression to guys. You have found the guy you really like and can’t wait to have him in your life, don’t get too carried away by appearing like a prey waiting to be caught. Let him find himself having to do some little extra work to get to you. Fit him around your life, and not the other way round.
3. The CONFIDENCE LEVEL.
Confidence is super sexy; but it’s not a common feature among men…and women. Something has to fuel the confidence you ooze out. It could be about what you are wearing, how you feel, or what you are excited about! In the cases of taken ladies in happy relationships, it’s often about the amazing guy behind the scene. The confidence level is so high that she stops caring about other guys and just wants to wax through conversations and meetings like no one else is special.
With taken ladies, there is nothing to lose, so they relate with other guys with that confidence. The guys in turn are turned on by this confidence, and somehow, it begins to bring out a level of confidence in them to dare you for more! Two confident people have the ability to emit such a super energy and display amazing chemistry that might scare onlookers.
Now tell me, how many guys would be willing to go after timid ladies at the expense of a confident one?
Taken ladies, here is another one you shouldn’t ignore. Your confidence is part of the attraction; you don’t have to lower it, you just have to confidently tell them you are taken and nothing would change that! Trust me, real guys would back off and (probably revert) to a platonic friendship.
For the single ladies, that’s your code – Confidence! Meeting a guy you like, exude the confidence of one who has nothing to lose. Think of it this way; it’s either I get this guy (oh so amazing!) or I get to cherish this moment with a super hot guy for a long time. Win win, isn’t it?
4. A weird feeling of SAFETY.
Trust me, when I heard about this, I was gobsmacked! Turns out one of the major reasons some guys show wanton attraction towards taken ladies is because there is more steadiness and safety in a relationship with a taken lady.
“When you date a girl who’s with someone else, you won’t have much to worry about. There is guaranteed secrecy, and of course, the woman is going to be very careful lest she gets caught. And if she’s smart, the relationship tends to be steady and the secrecy is exciting. Furthermore,taken ladies are less demanding and they are in it just for the fun and pecks involved. Finally, it’s important to note that snatching is allowed. It’s a game of who’s fitter; the boyfriend or the other guy.”
That’s what a guy opined, when asked why he prefers chasing taken ladies.
Apparently, guys also love the feeling that comes with “eating someone else’s lunch“, and it makes them go for more.
This should send a strong message to taken ladies out there getting these wanton attraction. Take heed, lest you become just another hunted game to boost another man’s ego.
5. The belief that taken ladies love to FLIRT.
Oh well… this is an offshoot of the previous point. Some men tend to believe that taken women also love to flirt with single guys. It is said to often give them a sense of their ‘worth in the market”.
“Many of these ladies want to know if guys still find them attractive enough to want to date them. So they begin to pass off green lights to guys who care.”
For guys who are equally game, they begin to search out for this possibility in taken ladies.
This means that if that guy is refusing to leave you, it’s probably because he thinks you are flirting or open to something more.
That’s it ladies. The sudden attraction from guys you can’t seem to fathom has been demystified, and it could be any of the five reasons highlighted below. Don’t let it bother you, just do what’s right, and stick to it.
Once you have found the one who makes you happy, every other attraction is just a bonus, and may be temporary.