Your bae’s birthday is coming. I hope you haven’t forgotten the date. In case you have, biko go and find out (quick hint: you can check her Facebook or ask her friends) and get some romantic birthday gifts for your girlfriend to avoid stories that touch. If eventually, you were unable to avoid stories that touch, please remember to send us your breakup story by clicking here.
To the few guys who can remember their girlfriends’ birthday, congratulations! You rock! But hey, have you thought of any romantic birthday gifts for your girlfriend? Don’t think too much, let’s help with our own (mixture of parody and serious) romantic, super, rare, precious gift you can get for bae.
If you are your bae’s boo, best friend, partner in crime, and you have been together for a long time, so close and knitted into one, maybe with plans of getting married, you can select any of these:
A KEY RING
Yes! a key ring, to make it simpler, a key holder. Especially if she has misplaced the key to your room or flat before, you won’t want to spend money replacing the lock again. If she hasn’t, prevention is better than cure. The key ring will help her keep the key to your room safe as well as her own, she won’t need to call you at 2am when you are about to sign a multi million naira contract in your dream just to tell you she misplaced her keys! To be on a safer side, make sure the key holder comes with a rope, she can just put it round her neck. It will only get missing when her head is chopped off.
If you check the bags of up to 10 ladies, you are sure to find out that 8 of them have a tissue paper in it. I can’t really say exactly what each girl uses it for, but I know it comes handy when she needs to blow her nose or use a toilet somewhere or what have you. Save her from few embarrassments, get her packs of toilet papers, make sure they are well designed and have a nice fragrance too.
BROOM, PACKER & DUSTBIN
Okay! Don’t buy local brooms, buy the tush and sexy ones. I know she is not dirty jo! This will only prepare her more physically and mentally in her journey to be a good wife (maybe housewife), especially those girls who don’t want a maid just because of you (maybe not you). After sweeping, she will need the packer and the dustbin. Hehehe. I think this gift fits more with the lazy ladies. It’s a subtle way to send a message across to her to start learning house chores.
Hey, stop dreaming! Give her the keys, without the car though; more like a key to her legeddiz benz. She won’t kill you, neither will she break up. Tell her it is an assurance that you will buy her a car someday and this is just a practice on how you will present the gift to her and to get a glimpse of her reaction. Then wait for a kiss or a slap, may the odds forever be in your favour.
The next set of gifts are suitable if you guys have been dating for a while, and you want to take it further:
Not every time heels and cinderella looks, sometimes flip-flop and homely look. If she has never worn a flip-flop in your presence, my guy, you are still far from her! Flip flop doesn’t paint the picture well enough, enter market and ask for Dunlop slippers! That’s the one you need to buy. You should see how she looks on them, so you don’t get the shock of your life when you discover she is 3ft5 inches tall.
Are you not tired of her ‘who cares look’ each time you ask her what the current situation of Nigeria is? She should care o, you are(will be) the provider here. Get her a radio (don’t let her use the one on her phone), she can listen to 7am, 8am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm, 7pm, 8pm, 9pm, 10pm news! Make sure she doesn’t listen to fashion tips from toolz or gbemi. She needs to know all that is happening, not just the price of tomatoes. She will think twice before asking for money to buy that Chanel bag.
I didn’t say transfer to her account o, give her the money in cash! But what’s the difference? you ask, well, only an igbo girl can deeply explain the difference. All I know is that seeing is believing.
PANTIES AND BRA.
I know undies, undergarment or underwear is more appropriate, but that’s just too collective, as you won’t want to buy her boxers. Don’t buy her these items for the purpose of sex (repent!). They are meant to make her sexy, pretty and feel her femininity better. Make sure you buy comfortable and sexy ones.
The next set applies if she is the new fish you just caught or the love is still ‘shacking’ you.
It’s no news girls love jewelries, except your babe is a religious fanatic. If she is, go to the next point. You can get her earrings, necklace, beads, nose rings, e.t.c. Please check her jewelry box to be sure she doesn’t have the type you want to get, some stores don’t do refunds o.
I’m sure you are sick of her running late for dates, she has to pick the best dress for the occasion, apply make up, walk majestically like the queen she is and all other stuffs. All these are good, but dude if you don’t have that patient, please get her a wristwatch, she needs to keep to time! Hopefully that helps.
Watch the radiant smile on face as you present her a painting/pencil work/drawing or whatever artistic image of herself. Make sure you brush your teeth and clean your mouth properly, wear you best smiles, exercise your lips properly, she might just kiss you for the whole day without a pause. And if you happen to be the artist, erm…
DINNER AT SHERATON
Wait na! It’s not as expensive as you think. If you still think it is going to be too expensive for you, you can start saving. You really don’t have to go out of your way, you necessarily don’t have to go to Sheraton. A cool atmosphere will do the job, just the two of you (not your room nor her room).
I would have suggested birthday cakes, but No! When her menstrual pain shows up now, it won’t be romantic anymore. Tell her you are not buying her cake, she needs to stay away from sugar and stay healthy! (DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!!).
I know I have disappointed you by not mentioning many of the things you expected to see. Hehehe. But if you already knew the romantic birthday gifts for your girlfriend, why did you still open this one? Lol. Anyways, I am sure you have picked one or two new and radical ideas from this.
This article is featured under GLOWVILLE’s Lighthearted category – just a feel good category. Please don’t attach too much seriousness or meaning to it. We are just trying to have fun and make you smile away some Nigerian tension. Lol.
Credits: Maureen, Chidinma, Juliana, Christiana, Biola, Bukky.
Special notice: If your bae answers any of the above names, they are the perfect ones you can get any or all the mentioned gifts for. You will probably know more about the peculiarity of these names when you join the GLOWVILLE LOVERS’ CLUB
I am MOYOSORE…scribbling for GLOWVILLE