This post about relationship red flags too dangerous to ignore was originally written by my friend, Fisayo Adedayo, popularly known as ‘Ogbeni La’. In this article, he explores different experiences to spot six major signs that often leads to a heartbreak, but which lovers often ignore.
This is quite unlike what you have read before about relationship red flags. I’d love to have your opinion in the comments section, after reading.
Please read below.
The very nature of Love and relationship itself requires compromise; overlooking some things that doesn’t necessarily sit well with you just to be with another person.
So in the real sense, it is a thin rope to walk when you try to identify developments that could signal the beginning of an end in a relationship. How do you determine these signs are not to be accommodated because they will spell doom? Will you always rely on your instincts or there are one or two lessons you can pick from other people’s experience to situate yours.
Remember no two relationships are exactly the same and it is difficult to outsmart someone that sets to swindle you without your consciousness. But in the multitude of counsels, there is always wisdom. I have compiled six relationship red flags to watch out for, using feedback from other people’s real life experiences. I hope you find them useful.
1. A Noticeable Gap In Communication.
Once communication slacks between you and your partner, you have every reason to be alert. Relationship is hard work and it is not impossible to feel distracted by life’s vicissitudes ( work pressure, family pressure, social media, friends) but if someone wants to be with you, they will always create time for you. It is very simple and straightforward. We always wangle time for our vices how much more someone we cherish? If you notice a steady decline in the communication line between you and your partner, it is advisable to be watchful while you keep doing your part for a while. If there’s no noticeable change, you can confront him or her to know what is really wrong. A tangible alibi should douse your suspicion a little but if he or she says, “nothing”, that’s a proper relationship red flag; don’t ignore.
2. Deliberate And Consistent Omission of Your Person in Future Plans.
It is bad enough to date someone who rarely shares their future plans with you but worse is those who lack the discipline to keep shut about their future plans and go on talking about it without creating a role for you in it. Motivational speakers will tell you you can’t feature in a future you can’t picture. Lol. So if your partner constantly talks about their dreams and you never feature in the picture, they are planning a future without you. It is a no brainer. It doesn’t necessarily mean they love you less but it certainly means they can do without you in the future and honestly feel less bothered by the fact.
This is a double-edged sword. On one side is the partner who you discover aside sex, nothing meaningful connects you as two people in a relationship. When you meet, it is sex, awkward silence, more sex and more awkward silence till you meet again. Whoever is initiating that sex has no future plan for the other beyond more sex till they get bored. On the other side is if you notice you no longer enjoy sex with your partner or feel your partner no longer enjoy sex with you. Or better put, once sex becomes a perfunctory exercise, then it is a relationship red flag. Either of the duo involved might drop the breakup bombshell anytime. The heart is no longer in the relationship and it might have no future.
4. Persistent Breakup Threats.
This is pardonable in the early days of relationship when either party might still be unsure of what they are getting themselves into. Breakup threat at this stage could pass for insecurity. But when breakup threats becomes persistent in a relationship that is over a year, then it is apparent the person making the threat might no longer be sure of their decision to remain in the relationship. Their actions can best be understood by how Naija politicians take decisions. They first plant rumours in the media to gauge public perception before taking bold political steps. So the partner threatening with a breakup is most likely preparing your mind. Someone that can’t afford to lose you won’t indulge in such recklessness. This is another relationship red flag that you can’t afford to ignore.
5. Keeping Identity and Status Secret.
Huge scam. If someone truly wants to be with you and has made up their mind to be with you, even against better judgement, they will show you off to the world. How does someone who doesn’t keep the identity of his or her parents and siblings secret keep yours as future partner secret? It means you’re not seen as becoming family yet. It is okay really especially at the initial stage of a relationship but when you’ve both invested quality time and looking forward to happily ever after, this simple gesture would come naturally. If it doesn’t, something is off! Don’t swallow bullshit like keeping it on the low in public when same person whispers future promises to you in private.
6. Sudden Behavioural Change.
If you’ve been in a relationship with someone long enough to consider a future together then you should be able to spot sudden changes that is not in tandem with who they are or posed to be when it all began. There’s a level of consistence expected from someone planning future with you simply because they are not acting a script. Someone acting will soon slip up. Human character is like smoke that can not be hidden. So when you notice changes like, quick temper, spiritual dimension, late night calls, secrecy with communication gadgets etc, they could be serious relationship red flags! Beware!
Which other relationship red flags do you know, please share in the comments section below. Thank you.