“What do I do if my partner is not moving on from an ex?” – I have received this query so many times and I feel it’s high time I wrote something about it, so I can just direct people to this when next they ask. This doesn’t mean I will not still be able to offer advice based on peculiar situations. An article like this will however serve as a starting point in helping anyone understand what to do in this situation.
So here we go.
Dating someone new can be scary in many ways, especially if you really start to develop feelings. Chances are, if you have only been together for a few weeks (or even a few months) there are lots of behaviors, feelings and reactions to things you haven’t seen yet. The longer you stay together, the closer you get to seeing things that could turn you off, shock you, make you doubt the relationship or that you accept, but don’t particularly love. That doesn’t mean the relationship won’t work out, it’s just the reality of getting to know ALL of someone versus the infatuation-based idea you have of them at the beginning.
Everyone has a past. If you are above 25, you may have probably had your heart broken at some point in your relationships, and so has the person you are dating. But what does that mean for your new, budding, happy, “perfect” relationship?
A reader recently asked me the question, “How do I know if the woman I’m dating is ready to move on from her last breakup?” I can’t get inside anyone’s head, but the advice I can offer is based on what I’ve seen in the past.
Here is a list of signs to look for if you are wondering if your new guy/girl has moved on from a past relationship. I’m not saying these are the end all, and that if your new guy/girl displays any of these, than forget it. Just open your eyes and let yourself see the signs.
Signs that he/she isn’t moving on from an ex:
- He/she talks about her/him glowingly.
- He/she talks about her/him constantly.
- He/she gets a lot of texts from her/him.
- He/she isn’t officially detached yet, and is in no hurry whatsoever to have that happen.
- He/she doesn’t want to see you very often — once a week for many months works for that person.
- He/she doesn’t want to meet your family and friends or have you meet his/hers
Signs that he/she is moving on from an ex:
- Everything with the ex seems businesslike. By the way, I’m not saying people shouldn’t stay friends with their ex’s. In fact, I’m a big proponent of being friends with an ex. But again, open your eyes and let yourself see what’s really going on. Is it a platonic friendship? Or is the guy (or girl) having a hopeful feeling that she will come running back?
- There is neither hate or a starry-eyed look of love on his/her face when talking about the ex.
- He/she is able to joke about things in the past pertaining to the ex.
- He/she makes an effort to tell you just how over it really is. (This could actually also be a sign he/she isn’t moving on.)
- He/she talks about a future with you. “I can’t wait to go here with you.” “When we’re 70…”
- You feel his/her love. I mean really feel it. Don’t lie to yourself. You will know in your gut.
It isn’t always easy to know if the person you are with has moved on from a past relationship. Trust me, I have been wrong in the past. It’s tricky. But, I will say, trusting your gut will never fail you. Do not ignore it. It is never wrong.
Lastly, give it time. Just because someone hasn’t moved on, that doesn’t mean he/she wants to get back together. They might just need some time, so try to understand them during the process of moving on from an ex.