When many couples are having an argument, you notice that there is usually a lot of noise; two people trying to out-talk each other, trying to have the last word, wanting so bad to win the argument. Neither of them willing to listen. But that’s not even the main issue. In most cases, when a partner genuinely feels hurt by what the other person has done, they only want to vent and pour it all out. They are usually not willing to listen to explanation, or try to listen to the other side of the story.
This often leads to hasty decisions, sometimes unjustifiable actions, and regrets.
When your partner hurts you, and you think you have every right to be angry and take immediate action, it’s also wise to take a deep breath and sue for dialogue. Open up your mind and listen to the other side of the story.
My friend, Elsie Godwin shares her perspective on this issue:
“Usually, we ask to hear the other side of the story when we are in a position to judge a situation between two people. We never think of listening to the other side as the ones in the midst of the chaos. You may wonder why you should bother listening to the other side when you are the one in the chaos. I will explain…
Thing is, we have different perspectives and perceptions. We look at same item or concept from different angles. Hence, our views will most times not be same in certain situations.
Even when you are in the midst of the chaos, even when you are the other person, even when you stand on the other side of the rumble, it may be difficult but try listen to the other side. You may realize the words you used or your actions/reactions which wasn’t expected but triggered pain which in turn caused some actions/reactions.
Understanding is the key to peace and this understanding comes from listening. Not just hearing but listening before understanding comes in. In relationships, we keep learning new things about our partners and what we learn should make us thrive to do things to make them feel good.
It takes maturity but be the one to say, “can we talk about what happened from your angle? How did I wrong you? What did I say to hurt you so much? Can we talk this over? Can I explain what I meant? Let’s hear your side….”
Elsie has shared something I consider very important at every point you and your partner are having an argument or you feel justifiably hurt.
I have seen a guy break up with his girlfriend because she kept a sensitive detail away from him. On deeper investigation, we realized that he actually caused her to keep the detail away because of certain behavioural traits he had exhibited in the past. And because he was never really playing his communication role well in the relationship. By the time he realized his mistakes, she was long gone.
He still regrets ever letting her go till today.
This is a huge lesson for everyone else out there. Things are not always in black and white. Sometimes, learn to listen to the other side of the story. So that even when you are going to make a decision, you can be thoroughly justified about it and never have to live with regrets.
I hope this helps someone reading, and we can begin to retrace our steps and do the right and necessary things to keep our relationships blossoming.