Why do women nag? I woke up with this question on my mind, and I determined to find answers to it. Nagging is that age-old art of bugging — gently reminding — someone to do something over and over again, insinuates itself into most relationships. It’s more common than adultery and potentially as toxic! Why really is it so hard to stop nagging?
Psychologists say it boils down to faith. One person fears the other won’t follow through, and that compels her to keep asking her partner to complete the task. Her partner, in turn, gets annoyed, which doesn’t make him incredibly likely to want to cooperate. And the cycle repeats.
Psychologists also say that “Women who ask their husbands once, twice, or more to do what they want receive this pejorative judgment regardless of whether the request is reasonable or not. According to McHugh and Harbaugh, there is little cultural acknowledgement of the nagging husband. It’s not that men don’t make requests of the women who are nearest and dearest to them, it’s that the behavior is labeled differently depending on who is doing the requesting.
By using the derogatory term “nag,” a man trivializes the woman’s request and at the same time puts her in her place. In other words, it’s a double-edged power play. It saves him actually having to do anything in response to her request until he’s good and ready, if at all. By resisting her efforts to mold him to her will, the man can look as if he’s in control of when he agrees to the request.
Pair up an uber-organized, chop-chop kind of person (a woman) with an “I’ll-get-to-it-when-I-get-to-it” partner (her husband), and it’s no surprise that different approaches to getting things done can cause a robust degree of conflict.
Consider the following scenario: A woman believes she has asked a man to help her with a household chore but because she was afraid of being a nag, she asked only very indirectly. The man can now, perhaps quite rightfully, believe that there was no urgency, so mentally figures he will do it at some later point in time. The woman may mull this over for perhaps a few minutes or hours, and then burst out with a complaint or criticism. Now she feels like she’s become that nagging wife, and her behavior only reinforces the image. As a result, her self-image becomes tarnished and her husband can respond with righteous indignation. In the end, she may very well end up doing the chore herself, feeling both resentful of him and disgusted with herself.
It gets a little more interesting here.
Okay! its up to you. What do women nag? Do you think they nag at all or they are just made to look that way? What’s your opinion about all of this anyway?
Let’s hear from you in the comments section.
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