By this article, I want to provoke people and (might) lose some female followers. Una don too plenty. Screening has commenced technically. I’d be using (arguably) the most controversial topic – cooking!
This post about cooking will be very long. Don’t start if you don’t have patience
Of course you love my posts, so you’d read along. Yeah, it’s getting into my head. So here it goes…
If you aren’t social media naive, you’d realize that there’s a silent campaign against men having expectations of the various sumptuous meals their wives would make for them if/when they eventually ‘settle’. Sadly many even term it slavery.
We all have our perspectives. Let me just share mine. Don’t insult me in the comments section. You can however share your perspective. My profile automatically blocks insulting people. I have zero tolerance for insults.
I am always angry when a telemundo lady opens her mouth to state categorically that cooking for a man is slavery. To me, she just called my mom a slave. I grew up in a setting where food was ready 7am and 7pm, non-negotiable. Infact, if my dad returns 8pm and we haven’t eaten, we’d have to lie that we’ve eaten and endure till he retires to bed after NTA news to protect mommy from the (verbal) war that could ensue. The man just wanted his children to eat. Most of the time it was even our fault we hadn’t had supper. We probably just finished playing 8 minutes before his arrival. Mom probably had been shouting the whole time for our father not to meet us having not eaten. Àwa omo aláìgboràn. Mothers dey try abeg!
My mom is not a housewife. She’s the matron in charge of one of the frontline maternal and child health centres of my home state. That’s a busy career. Yet, no senrenren yanga. It goes without saying that she has kept her husband.
Now let’s come to present age.
You will almost want to enter the ground if, in the midst of female 25 year-olds you just randomly say:
‘I can’t marry a girl who cannot cook for me’
Let me say that again. Run!
They will finish you ehn… you’d never explore your speech freedom again.
I’ve tried to watch closely, or, like Prof Pius Adesanmi would say, shobolate.
Several old ladies (above 35) who vehemently insist that cooking is slavery are actually divorcees or single moms; or as Nigerians would just succinctly put, those who couldn’t keep their husbands! The 25yr-olds jump into their comment sections and sing their praises from Mondays to Saturdays; then start disturbing Jesus in church on Sundays for husbands.
There’s no single lady who doesn’t have at least a dozen guys ‘disturbing her life’. Heck, even some married ones aren’t spared. Some post-menopausal women are even threatened with pregnancies nowadays. Yet they travel into their late thirties very very single. Truth is, most guys (and just anyone) like ‘fresh stuff’. Dem nor use am do bad. Won ò fi shey ìkà.
You can’t tell me you have 10 guys disturbing you and you like none of them. There shouldn’t be a difference between what you desire and what you attract. If you attract what you don’t desire you are the problem. All men are not dogs. If only the dogs among men get attracted to you, maybe you’re just ….errrm…. *screen that*.
You can say no to 10 men, no wahala. Yanga is allowed. However, if out of 10 guys disturbing your life, not even a single one desires to marry you, hehehehe. Your own is more than utmost care. Your matter pass be-careful.
The so-called Yoruba demons are getting married every week!
Those ladies don’t have two heads (or three breasts). There’s an easy way to a man’s heart. When you have the heart, you can do as you please; but have it first.
I have to state that the craziest ones are those who do everything to keep their husbands, but, for the sake of gist, would never verbally subscribe to ‘a woman should cook’ mentality when in the midst of their friends. What’s their own? After the gist, it’s not them who would lay alone on a queen-size bed. I gbadun this kinda women – they keep both their friends (or gist-buddies) and their husbands. How else will they be able to advise their daughters?
A woman can actually be very busy. Career woman. Lol. Maybe our moms had no careers. Yeah, house-cleaning and laundry could be delegated to a housemaid. No wahala. That’s sensible. Let’s protect our wives’ manicures shall we?
Why would I be happy with a 19yr old girl drafted from a village I’ve never been to, that I didn’t marry or date, being placed in charge of meals that enter my tummy, just because she’s your maid? How? Who did I offend? A girl you employed after a 10minute interview?!
My dad always comes home. He never buys food from ‘mama-put’; the potential ‘mama-snatch’. I also want to always come home. I don’t want to fight temptation if I can avoid it. We men have sense sometimes, well, maybe some of us.
“Is it only food you come home for?”
Hehehehe. See what I just did? I placed a potential comment on the main post. Y’all don’t need to put it. The sad truth is – men like three things – food and ‘fun’ are the first two; every other thing is under the umbrella of your ‘personality’. You’re not the only one with your kind of personality. However, no two women cook (or have ‘fun’) the same way. We know this cos we’ve done random sampling. No point forming!
Of course you can cook six times daily and the ‘stupid’ guy still refuses to choose you. It’s not an audition. Who do you attract? Men or dogs? All men are not dogs. My mom is not a slave!
If you cook for your husband, you have also cooked for yourself and your children! ‘Your’ husband, ‘your’ self, and ‘your’ children! Yours!
The funny thing about us (Yoruba demons) is that we don’t get angry anymore. Our ring is in our pocket. Always there till the right woman comes. We won’t fight you. There’s always something to enjoy in you. It’s not my time that you’re wasting. Infact we’d make sure you are very comfortable. Our friends will call you ‘ìyàwó wa’. A guy can have 12 girlfriends, but his friends know his ‘real ìyàwó’ – the rest are just role-players.
Just be there forming Rihanna. No wahala. We keep watching you while we search for our Michelle. Ring in pocket all the while. Ever wondered how Yoruba demons don’t actually date the ones they finally propose to for too long? Will you see something very good and waste time when you know many guys out there also have their rings in their pockets? Is it not to just kneel down and ask an important question?
My married friends are shining. They look healthier than me. Their wives aren’t massaging their faces with Robb to make them smoother. It’s care. And food is involved.
“See as you dey shine. Your tummy don even big small. Ya wife don dey spoil you”
Our rings are in our pockets till the right women bring them out! In the interim, we can learn how to ‘cope with women’s wahala’ through you – well, since we’re not kuku your type now. Abi? We’ve created an amazing role for y’all. Just train us well for our wives. We know you’re intelligent and very busy. We can learn one or two things from you. Epp uz plix!!!
I’m not a demon.
I just don’t want to suffer as a bachelor and still suffer as a married man. There’s a reason people call marriage a retirement from the (ìsekúse of the) streets – good food is an amazing pension.
It’s not by force to marry me, or my friends, but don’t call our wives (and mothers) slaves. You can call us Yoruba demons sha. Our wives will ‘deliver’ us when they arrive with their anointing! Then we become angels.
Oya you people who don’t want to be ‘slaves’ please start leaving your comments.
Remember, no insults!
Written by – Wale Pops Adekimoye
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