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This is more than a letter; it is a call to action, to reawaken the consciousness of every man who leaves the domestic job around the house for the woman (his wife) alone to handle. The effects of having an overworked wife may be too much for you to handle. Consider this and be wise.
This is Olarinde Samuel‘s debut article under the Marriage Lens category of this blog, and he begins his journey with us by addressing the issue of the lounging husband and the overworked wife. Please enjoy below.
Times are changing, perhaps it is more appropriate to even say that times have changed. The days when the husband-wife relationship followed a purely demand-supply paradigm are past. In this age, a successful marriage is more of a supply-supply equation.
In all fairness, women don’t get nearly as much credit as they deserve; especially working women. Everyday ‘woman rights activists’ spring up vehemently professing their distaste for how women are treated by the ‘superior sex’. Women are seeking to empower women, why can’t we men show them that we do not and would never think of them as less?
The problem is that we’ve been primed, from childhood to where we stand now, everything we’ve been exposed to was designed to condition our psyche, to make us think a certain way. That it’s unmanly to be ‘too nice’, that if you help your wife too much, you are weak, it’s okay for a man to do this, but he must never do that, that the man’s major function in the home is to bring the (larger chunk of the)bread home. It’s why women are agitating for gender equality, I for one do not understand the concept of gender equality; how can two things that are different ever be equal?
I agree however, that a man should consider that his wife is not a robot. She is not some emotion-less machine that has been programmed to do things how and when he wants them done. She is very human, she suffers from fatigue. Sometimes, her day at work is really not-so-great, sometimes, the kids she made together with him are especially difficult. Sometimes, she’s not having a good hair day, sometimes her emotions are just muddled up.
Helping out with the dishes, or doing the laundry (without her asking) doesn’t make any man less of a man, getting the kids ready for school while she makes breakfast sounds a lot like what most women would love. Imagine yourself in that apron, dicing vegetables while she boils the meat you bought on your way home from work. Then imagine how she knocks your hand when you attempt to steal a piece from the pot and how you both laugh and kiss briefly and go back to the cooking… What you think of as weak is what she sees as tender, loving, and ultimately hot!
Helping out is a fool-proof method of showing her that you’re a team. I’ll tell you a secret, “everyone loves a person that helps them win”. She’ll smile more often, she’ll look less stressed. When you tell her you care, she’ll hear those words in the light of how you’ve shown that you care.
You’re blessed that your woman doesn’t nag, but take all those tiny requests and suggestions about helping her with some chores seriously. When she calls ‘honey could you help me blend these please’ from the kitchen, don’t yell ‘sorry babe, Chelsea is playing Rangers tonight and I don’t want to miss the pre-match analysis’ from the living room. That’s not you being a man, that’s you being insensitive; the match hasn’t even started yet.
Cheers, to all men who like me are not there yet but are making a commitment to becoming men who support their women; it’s a supply-supply equation.
I am Olarinde Samuel…Scribbling for GLOWVILLE