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A popular saying goes “a problem shared is half solved.” Yes! But a heart bottled in the pain of humiliation can never know peace. The issue of rape is that which is discussed and shared amongst us, but yet without the simplest solution. This is very perturbing, and thus has sounded the alarm within us to keep on speaking till we can reduce or inhibit this violent and ungodly act. Let us not fold our arms and watch our ‘PRIDE’ being trampled upon and tormented without giving it a fight.
Rape is fiercer than a civil war, yet if we must win this battle, we must fight with our heart and not watch on.
“The pain of a withered rose, a trumpet for war.”
This is the usual rhythm of my love making. I will go on until my libido has been satiated and my final grunt has been heard. I do not bother to look at the tears streaming down the face of my partner nor am I bothered about the cuts and bruises I have left on her vagina and body. Those cuts on her vagina did not happen because I have a huge member, it is actually quite small.
They are as a result of the force and brutality which characterizes my love making. Please, do not insult me and call it sex; I only make love.
You are probably thinking that I am crazy or a perv, right? You won’t be the first.
My name is Dr. Gentle Adigwe (yes, the name is a big irony) and I am going to tell you my story.
I would skip the beginning and tell you what you want to know.
I was twelve years old and in JSS 3 when Nwanne, the help called me into her room and ordered me to take off my shorts. I laughed at her joke and told her that I will ‘tell my mummy for her’. I took my words back when she put a knife against my throat and told me to ‘try it’. She took my shorts down and started stroking me. I was too scared and couldn’t get it up and she ended up making me fondle her breasts and touch her privates.
Nwanne didn’t come to my room again until two weeks later. This time, she came with a rope and tied me to a chair. She performed my first oral on me and managed to get it up. She started humping on it and soon as she saw that I was enjoying it, she gave me a slap. I started crying and that was what made her cum. This continued for two years until she got married and left. I still have marks all over my body from canes, slaps, cuts and bites. All this while I had never ejaculated because Nwanne never allowed it.
I met Njideka when I was fifteen. She was posted to my school for her Nysc and I was the head boy. One thing led to another and I waylaid her one evening. I told her that I loved her and she laughed at me. I simply brought out the knife in my pocket and asked her to strip and lie down on the floor. She started begging me and I realized that I was aroused. I didn’t even have to tell her to blow me like Nwanne used to do.
Jide was my first sexual conquest and with her I experienced my first orgasm. I went home that day and I knew that I was powerful. It felt better because I knew that she would never tell a soul.
After Jide, I made love to a couple of girls; yes, it was love making not rape. Most of them seduced me and wanted to put up a fight when I was ready for them. Stupid girls! The struggle only made it sweeter for me.
I graduated as the best student in my department. I had raped, errrrm, made love to uncountable scores of girls at that time. I tried to do it right and be gentle, honestly, I did. I actually ‘toasted’ a girl. I endured all the rubbish she put me through and waited patiently for the cookie. When it was time to eat it, I just couldn’t get it up because I couldn’t hurt her. She thought it was her fault and she convinced me to “do what I want to”. She never spoke to me again after that day.
I specialized in Obstetrics and Gynecology because I had learnt a wonderful way to continue with my deeds during my internship. Word on the streets is that I am the best ‘abortion doctor’ around. It is also well known that if you do not have money, I am very willing to help out. What did they not know is that I drug them and have sex with them (against their will of course) before the abortion.
All through the years my philosophy has always been the same….F**k! and do not get *f**ked!!!”.
Did I tell you that I had my way with Nwanne in her husband’s house when she was heavily pregnant? My best act yet. I went to visit her when I was eighteen and I tied her to a chair and had my way with her. Her screams and tears made it worthwhile.
Thing is, I have a lovely wife. We have been married for five years and we have two kids. I have never had sex with her on her terms. It just doesn’t work for me. I thought she would get used to my method but she still hasn’t. How can she when that would defeat the whole purpose? I am surprised that she hasn’t left me, actually. To reduce the pain I inflict on her, I satiate my cravings with other girls. I rape them (yes, I agree) because that is the only way I can feel pleasure. Their screams and pleas make me happy. I am not a sadomasochist; I know this because my wife has made me try BDSM. It was disgusting!!!
That is not what gives me pleasure. It is forcing the lady against her wish that gives me joy. The fact that I am the only one deriving pleasure from the act is more satisfying than I can explain.
I am writing this because I have finally accepted that I am a rapist. When I looked at the tears streaming down the face of the ten year old, virgin, aramajiri girl that I raped last night, I knew that I had a problem. I have never told anyone my story.
My wife doesn’t even know why I behave the way I do. I used to believe that my life was ruined and so other people’s lives should be ruined too.
That was in the past, I have a change of heart now. The truth is I love my wife and I would really love to make her happy. I would love to be able to kiss and caress her and make her feel pleasure but I cannot.
Well, I am hoping that soon I will be able to. Please, I need help.
My name is Dr. Gentle Adigwe and I am a rapist.
I know that a lot of people have stories like this to tell. Tales of how they were molested in their childhood and so became scarred after that. Tales of how they were bullied, and they developed inferiority complexes. Truth is there is no excuse that is enough.
There is absolutely no reason to rape another person. If your partner is interested in BDSM and you decide to participate, then good for you but if he/she says NO, the No should stand. I pray that the good Lord helps the victims that need closure and may he give rapists the grace to live normal, loving lives in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Written by Shughar.
Follow her on twitter @jjshughar
(PS: This is a repost from April, 2014)