Parents pressure

My parents pressure almost drove me into marrying the wrong man

Life isn’t always sad, there is always a silver lining lurking around the corner. This is why today’s BREAK UP is not an entirely sad one; it has a happy ending. But what’s more important is the lesson inherent in this wonderful lady’s story about her parents pressure. Be kind to drop a word after reading.

Read her story below:

It all began after my NYSC program. I didn’t want to return to Lagos because I was comfortable in Enugu, and my prospects of getting a good job was high over there; this is coupled with the easy standard of living you find there in comparison with Lagos. My parents were however not down with the idea, they wanted me to come home, and pressured me day and night.

Being a lady, my parents concern was that it was not right for me to live alone in such a distant land. They preferred me close to home under their monitor. My plea to them to see me as an adult who doesn’t need to be monitored fell on deaf hears, and after a long time of pressure and promises to help me settle better in Lagos, I finally succumbed.

While I was in Enugu, I had become acquaintances with a guy called Steve. He was not a corper, but he was a young business person – a trader precisely. He sold electronics and furniture in different stores across Enugu. We met on one of my frequent short visits to the capital and we became friends. I wasn’t expecting so much from the friendship but he was serious about me and always told me how much he would love to marry me. I liked Steve, but because he was Igbo, I wasn’t sure how my parents would react to it. I had to keep him pending.  I had been thinking of the right time to discuss Steve with my parents but their pressure on me to return to Lagos clouded every thoughts of bringing him up with my parents.

Steve was understandably sad when I left Enugu for Lagos, but he promised to visit during any of his trips through Lagos. He never did, and naturally communication broke down between us till we finally stopped talking.

My dad fulfilled his promise of getting me a job after two months of returning to Lagos, and that was where I met Doyin.

Doyin is my father’s friend’s son. His dad owned the company, and he was one of the senior staff there. He warmed up to me in my first few weeks on the job, always caring and making sure I settled well into my role in the company. Soon, he offered to always pick me in the morning and drop me off after work at home. That also went further into dates and home visits.

My parents were happy about the friendship I had cultivated with Doyin; it was pretty obvious what they wanted all along. Doyin, on his part, seemed cool and fun to be with, I didn’t think there was any reason to be stubborn about it. So I decided to go into a relationship with him.

In a few months, he was already talking about wedding and making plans for it, even though I didn’t like it that way. Everything was rushed to me, but I didn’t want to disrespect my parents, my fiance, and his parents – my boss because he had gotten all of them involved within a short time.

I agreed to get on with the wedding even though I felt no peace in my mind about it. I waved it off as part of the anxieties a woman goes through when planning to leave her parents for her husband’s home. I further had reasons to excuse the unease when my mum told me she felt that way too when marrying my dad.

I however noticed that Doyin had the habit of never letting his guard down with his phone. When I asked to take a picture with it or use it for anything, he was always reluctant to give me. On rare occasions that he did, he would have to do a few things on the phone before giving me. There was a day I visited him and met his phone on the table in the living room, it rang and I picked the phone to check who was calling in order to alert him about the call, but he rushed out and snatched the phone from me like I was a thief. He answered his call privately and returned to give me a lasting warning never to touch his phone without prior consent from him.

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I was perplexed and really scared about the kind of man I was to marry in a month and few days. So I prayed to God and asked for a sign to show if Doyin was the right man for me or not. I asked God to break the union before it is sealed in the church if he was not right for me.

After the prayer, I trusted God for a sign but nothing of note happened until one week to the wedding.

I was on my way to the grocery store one evening when a lady drove by me and stopped just ahead. She came up to me and asked if I was the lady Doyin was to marry in one week. I asked to know why she made the inquiry and she told me she was pregnant for Doyin. She showed me the test results which she had shown to him before, which he refused to acknowledge. She also showed me phone and picture evidences of their relationship which, according to her, had lasted for two years. That was way before Doyin met me.

The lady, Chidinma said Doyin wanted her as a side woman whom he uses for his lustful desires and sexual pleasures. She was bent on not letting that happen anymore; she wanted to be taken serious too. She warned me about Doyin, and threatened to destroy the wedding if it holds.

I returned home shaking and showed the evidences to my parents. My father tried to make excuses by saying some women are desperate and that they would dig up ugly pasts to blackmail anyone doing any good thing. But my mother was not to be deceived. She took it up with Doyin’s parents and he couldn’t deny the evidences before him.

His parents wanted the wedding to go on, but my mother and I refused blatantly. My dad tried his best to talk me into it, but it was my parents pressure that drive me into this before, I would not do it again. I broke off the engagement.

That was five years ago; I have since moved on with a better man. I heard Doyin got married last year too. I’m glad it’s a happy ending for all in the end.

The moral here is to have a mind of your own, even as you listen to advice from different quarters. Your parents are there to guide you, but their words shouldn’t be absolute. In situations where you feel uneasy or inconvenient with they are saying, find a way to refuse politely and do that which works for you – I’m talking about the positive things.

Thanks to Glowville for the opportunity to share my story.

– Kemisola

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