Today on Marriage lens, we are setting our sights on certain men/women who are fun to be with when they are with friends and colleagues outside their home, but the moment they return home, the story changes completely, and you sometimes begin to wonder if it is the same person you saw a few hours before. What could be responsible for some men/women who are jovial with others but boring at home? Let’s find out – with help from Olubunmi Mabel and a few other contributors. This promises to be enlightening.
Consider the scenario we are trying to paint properly: A man who is well known as a jovial person by outsiders. He’s usually the life of every gathering he finds himself, at work, among friends, anywhere apart from his home. People envy his wife, saying she’s so ‘lucky’ to have him. But at home, he switches personality and becomes a different person entirely. No jokes, always formal in his dealings, frowning all the time, boring as hell….
What explanation can one give to this?
The first point we would look at, according to Bartholomew Franklin is Temperament. “…it could be that his wife is not bringing out the best in him.” He opined. Further more, he said “Do you know that people treat us based on how we make them treat us, sometimes?”
“Another possible problem could be that the passion in the marriage is dead because if that butterfly in the stomach is still around, he would wear a smile and be loving at home too.
His wife might have offended him too. She needs to just check a possible way to bring out his best.
Or maybe his wife may have abused his simplicity and now he wants to be mean. I’m like that too, I can be so so loving, so vulnerable and transparent but if I’m abused, I so close up that you’d wonder if I meant my first gestures.
I’ve passed through this in a relationship. I found out that we are sometimes responsible for how people treat us.
I might be wrong in my submissions but don’t forget that I might be right too.” he submitted finally.
Barth looks like he is putting the major share of the responsibility on the man’s wife. A food for thought for the ladies, if you ask me.
Adesemoye Samuel also shares in the same school of thought with Barth. He believes that disrespect and being taken for granted could play a part in such coldness from the man with his family.
“If the most jovial man in the world marries a nagging wife, he will be just like a caged bird at home. A caged bird does not sing!” – Arifalo Adeyinka
There’s a flip however…
In Olanrewaju Olubukola ‘Ozone’s opinion, “They are just not compatible. No matter how jovial or playful a man or woman is, if the compatibility level between them and their partner is within zero and half, they are in for a very boring relationship. As they say it takes two to tango – no matter how good you are at Tangoing, if you’re dancing it with a poor partner, you will both fall and lose it.”
This is a bit more like sharing the responsibility between the two people who make up the couple. But does compatibility have anything to do with not being free with your family and having fun with others?
We have a direct answer to this from Fadoju Temitope:
…they may be compatible but not flowing. How do they blend their likes and dislikes? could there be an unsettled case, perhaps resentment? Is there a need unmet or demand unattended to? how friendly are the two? Many factors to be considered. The woman may not be a problem on a second thought. Some men are the problem also. Keeping other people’s vineyard and suffering theirs.
– Fadoju Temitope
On another note, Abioye Funto says that “I want to say that it takes conscious efforts to sustain the spice in our relationships. We often take our family for granted, assuming they will understand while we treat outsiders with so much attention. How many people make out time to ask what’s up with their siblings, what’s on their mind, or inquire about that look. I mean real concern. We just feel they’ll be fine and that’s how they are and we check out.
Let’s consciously sustain the sparks at home. The home deserves the best part of us.
Whatever side we choose to linger on, Funto has made the most important point. We must give our best to our families and make them appreciate even more than those out there would. If or when we lose everything, we may have no one else to fall on other than family. Let’s give them our best.