Now you are married. The long wait is over, and all you ever wanted – to live with each other forever – has come true. It is becoming a cliche these days that marriage is not a bed of roses, but it is a truth that will never change. That’s why it is important to equip yourself (as one) with certain knowledge as you begin this lifelong journey of many twists and bends. These marriage advice for new couples which you are, will help you understand certain basics that will give you both a soft landing into the marriage experience. Let’s get started.
It is commonplace for new couples to hear stuff like ‘don’t listen to advice from anyone, you should take decisions on your own without necessarily involving other people’. This is not far from the truth, but it is not always the truth. Marriage advice for new couples can be likened to the help you give to that new guy in your neighbourhood, that new employee at work, the new student in your school; they don’t know so much, and you are there to guide them. You do not have to go deep into private matters – and that’s not what these advice are for – you are only expected to touch on the general things that couples should know. For example, you are not expected to advice on how often the couple should have sex, except there is a medical condition and you are the doctor!
The following are the basic marriage advice for new couples.
- When you are married you are one with your spouse. The families are one. No sentiments, no partiality, no difference…BUT new couples do not NEED to have families (younger brothers or sister) live with them in the early stage of the marriage. It can happen later. This is to allow you have enough time to handle the steering of your home well and gain stability. The presence of a family member is a distraction you do not need to begin your marriage with.
- Develop a plan to build a strong foundation for your marriage with your spouse. This is very critical for your marriage. Without a strong marriage foundation, your marriage could easily end in a divorce. Spend some time with your spouse and develop a plan to build a strong foundation for your marriage.
- Learn how to agree to disagree. No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences.
- Keep private matters private because the success of your marriage depends on you and your spouse learn to deal with your issues privately. You don’t have to involve family and friends each time there’s a misunderstanding. Doing that always may aggravate your issues and set your marriage on the way to the rocks. It is also important to note that there people (who may be in form of family and friends) who are not happy in their marriage and may take the opportunity to create problems in yours.
- Learn how to communicate with your spouse. Communication problems is one of the common issues a lot of married couples face every single day. So learn how to communicate effectively with your husband or wife as soon as possible. Without effective communication, you will encounter a lot of problems in your marriage. Communicating effectively is key to the success of your marriage.
- At the early stage of your marriage, cultivate the romantic habit of writing a thoughtful note every so often saying what you love and appreciate about your significant other. Drop it in their briefcase or purse so they will find it unexpectedly and it will brighten up their day. This will help you bond well, and if it becomes a habit, there will hardly be any force that can break you apart.
- You have to stop being selfish. Now, it is important to do things with the mind of ‘US‘ and not ‘ME’. Before you were married you likely did things when you wanted to without having to answer to anyone and enjoyed your own space without anyone to bother you. Now you’re married, you have to recognize that and adjust where necessary. Don’t go out without telling your spouse, don’t keep late night without giving an explanation, don’t be unnecessarily territorial and consider your spouse at all times.
- Have reasonable and realistic marriage expectations. You see, the way you were raised is different from the way your spouse was raised. What you expect to be the “norm” might not be the “norm” for your spouse. Discuss your expectations, be realistic, and compromise with each other. And don’t expect your marriage to be like what you see in the movies.
- For men, it’s important to understand that women want to be listened to. Men don’t need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it’s important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship.
- Respect each other. You must always deal with each other with respect whenever there’s a disagreement; fight fair. A man is the head of the house; women ought to be submissive and men should be loving. Compliment each other regularly and show appreciation more than you complain about things. Without respect you’ll end up tearing down your relationship instead of building it.
- Trust each other. You can not have a healthy marriage without trust. Trusting your spouse is very critical to succeed as a married couple.
- You can have control or you can have connection with your partner, but you can’t have both. Pursue connection! – Lee Horton, Ph.D
- Discuss finances with your spouse. Now you’re married, there are more responsibilities so you can’t be selfish. You have family members to support, as well as in-laws who may come to you sometimes for financial support. You’ll be starting a family soon so you both have to be wiser in the way you spend your money. Be understanding and cooperate with your spouse in managing your resources. This is not the time to be crazy over latest gadgets. Instead both of you should come up with a way to manage your resources properly. You can decide on how much you both want to allocate to monthly expenses, emergency funds and savings for the month and how much each of you should contribute to each account. And then make sure you don’t significantly exceed the amount for your monthly expenses each month. And try to stay away from debt.
- Divide and conquer your house chores. Who does what? What other responsibilities do you have to share? Think about the chores you both love and enjoy doing. Split these chores and do them diligently. If you both dislike doing the a particular chore(s), take turns doing it.
- Support each other’s interests, passions, goals and objectives. You don’t have to like what your spouse likes but try to support it especially if he or she is passionate about it.
- Memorize this statement: The First Year is a learning and transitional period for your marriage!
- The grass is not greener on the other side. Its greener where you water it.
- Be independent and interdependent. Make time for yourself so you can continue to do the things you are passionate about. Getting married does not mean you can not continue doing the things you love. Make time for your spouse so you can grow together as a couple. Choose one thing you can both do to connect and grow together everyday. You don’t want to wake up 10 years later and notice you have grown apart.
- Commit to your marriage. Work on your marriage daily. Never take your spouse for granted, show and let them know you appreciate them. Make sacrifices for each other.
- Forgive each other when you make a mistake. And learn to not repeat the same mistake over and over again. Your spouse can only so much; they have their limits. Most importantly, and lastly (for now) Never fight in public. it will only make you look …(fill in the gap)
I believe these are basic, and should help you settle down into a wonderful and blissful married life.