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“Have you not heard that a mouse does not look after a piece of fish!!! A man and a woman can never be just friends o!” – A Nigerian who has not heard the above statement or something similar, is that one a Nigerian? Lol. There’s been a lot of questions around the possibility of having a bestie of the opposite sex whilst you are dating someone else. How possible and easy is it? Here’s a piece on how to maintain friendship with the opposite sex whilst in a relationship.
Is there anything a piece of fish can do to stop the mouse from eating it? No. So why do I believe that my advice on how to maintain friendship with the opposite sex whilst in a relationship will work? Well, because a guy is not a mouse and a girl is differently not a piece of fish. So let’s brush that saying aside for a minute and focus on real life situations. Shall we?
So! What do we do with our opposite sex friends after we tie the nuptial knot or get into a relationship? Discard them as you would used sanitary pads? That would be very unfair, wouldn’t it? Keep them? What if we start developing ‘unhealthy’ feelings towards them or vice versa?
Hmmmm! Sounds like a dilemma doesn’t it! Whilst a mouse cannot look after a piece of fish without eating it, a lady and a guy can maintain pure friendship whilst they are in a relationship. Without further ado, come with me, let me show you how!
MAKE SURE YOU ARE JUST FRIENDS
It is important that you ensure that the opposite friend you are keeping after you’ve got into a relationship, is purely a friend. If there has been some smooching inside his car while he was dropping you off one day, such handshake could be said to have gone past the elbow and maintaining such friendship exposes you to the risk of cheating on your spouse. Feelings have a way of getting back into a place where they were once entertained.
It is one thing to be friends and entirely another, to remain friends. The fact that he does not fancy you today does not mean that he wouldn’t tomorrow. Create boundaries and keep those boundaries clear. Whenever he attempts to escape from the prison of friend zone, capture him, chain him and gently push him back in there, until he gets used to it and accepts the fact that friend zone is his portion forever. Do this as often as necessary. ughhhh! I know, but do it!
REDUCE THE AFFECTION
When I was in the university, I had a male friend. We were just friends and nothing more. When we go to see movies, I would rest my head on his shoulders, when I feel sleepy I would just sleep away on his laps etc. as far as I was concerned, these meant absolutely nothing. But to him, those were green lights. I got the shock of my life when he sent me a message after we had gone out for lunch. At first, I thought he was joking then came the real shocker “ why have you been leading me on if you have no feelings for me” leading you on?????
You see, regardless of how clear the boundaries are, showing too much affection and all that touchy feelings can start to put the idea in his or her head that you want more. For guys it can awaken the hunter in him and it can blur the line between friendship and a little more.
DO NOT ASK HIM FOR ADVICE WHEN YOU ARE HAVING ISSUES WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Now, this is my personal opinion and I know a lot of people may not agree with it, but here is the thing. Men always feel the need to offer a solution when a lady needs one. When you tell him how your spouse does not respect you, does not compliment you or how he does not satisfactorily meet your sexual need, He will automatically think that you want him to be the hero who saves you from your evil spouse. He would start advising you on how to cope…….you will start crying…….oh he hates to see your tears…..he offers a handkerchief…..but you wouldn’t stop crying…..he offers a hug…..then a cuddle…then a kiss…..before you know it, the mouse had eaten the piece of fish. Tell someone else!
DO NOT BE QUICK TO CONDEMN HIS OWN SPOUSE
If he ever tells you something that his girlfriend did wrong and ask what you would have done in such situation, do not be quick to tell him how smartly you would have handled it without nagging like his girlfriend did. When you do that, he would start imagining the perfect couple both of you would have made, and he may want to start acting out his imaginations. If you must advise him, take yourself out of the picture.
Finally, in all your dealings with him/her, keep an eye on the friend zone door. Change the keys when the need be. Make him/her as comfortable as possible in that zone and you will be able to keep your opposite sex friend as well as your relationship.