I held back too much and lost my relationship

How I lost a precious relationship for holding back too much!

I was moved to share my story with Glowville because I believe my story is similar to what many young people may be currently facing in their relationships. I don’t want them to pass through the heartbreak I passed through, so it became important for me to share the story of how I lost my relationship because I held back too much. 

For the sake of this story, the name of the guy in focus will be Marcus.

I met Marcus when I was in SS2. He was Serving in Adamawa at that time. We met via a popular social media network, and got along very quickly. He completed his Youth Service and returned to Lagos. That was when we got to see (for the first time), and physically expressed our love for each other.

After seeing each other, I soon realized that we carried different mentalities about love and relationship. Marcus was the mushy type of person who always wanted to be reassured about my love for him. He was also willing to declare his love at every given opportunity. He thought it was necessary for him to ask me out officially and get my positive answer before accepting that we were having a relationship; but I was of a different opinion.

I believed that dating is for mature minds who do not need to be told before knowing what to do. I believed that if we got along, and acknowledged that we like each other, coupled with the fact that we were both single and free, then we were good to take our friendship a notch higher. Since we already knew we share the same feelings, there was no need to go over the formality of asking me out. That was my mentality.

Marcus didn’t argue, and didn’t say a word. Unknown to me, I was dating myself from that moment. But we went on and on from my SS2 till I gained admission into the University.

In my First Year, he suddenly went off the radar. I couldn’t reach him via every means I had access to. It was worse for me because I didn’t school in Nigeria. I was really worried about him but there was nothing I could do. After several trials, I eventually reached Marcus one day and the first thing he said to me was “When did I become accountable to you?”

It hit me really hard. I was shocked, disappointment and very sad that the person I had been travelling heaven and earth to talk to could say such words to me. I fell sick, and unfortunately, it was a few days to exams. The sickness was so bad that I had to be rushed to Nigeria for treatment.

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It really got to me because hitherto, I was willing to conform to his ideas, do what he wants, and prove my love to him. I wanted to let him know that gaining admission outside Nigeria meant nothing, and being miles apart was not enough to hurt our love. Every holiday, I would come home to spend time with him just to make up for times I would be out of the country. But I was left in rude shock when I realized that he stopped caring, and he had stopped for a very long time before I eventually realized it. I didn’t know if I was to blame or he was. I just laid in pity for myself.

It was really hard for me, it seemed I lost him because I was stubborn with my ideas. We didn’t talk about it when we should have, and I didn’t bother. I felt like I could have opened up to him and expressed how I felt for him much earlier, things might have turned out better than they did for us. I really loved him, but I held back too much. He must have waited for long but gave up especially when I had to leave the country for my University Education.

Took me a while to get over him, but I eventually did, although I still smile when I think of him. We managed to salvage our friendship and we still get to talk sometimes, but I have moved on with another person and learnt my lessons from my relationship with Marcus.

Sometimes, it is okay to loosen up a bit and be more expressive. I understand that a lot of women can be shy, but holding back too much for someone you love might be detrimental in the future. If you love someone, do not be afraid to show it, no matter how subtly. Don’t leave them wondering if you really love them, when you really do.

Thanks for reading my story.

Olamiposi. Y

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