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‘It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it’ Cece Winnans’ evergreen song rings in my head as I put pen to paper to relate my escape from David’s trap called relationship.
Sometimes, our desires can be volatile to a point of choking us, and yet we find it so strong to let go – such was the case of a trap called relationship with Dave. I knew he was a bad boy, but he was charming. He ticked many boxes of the qualities I want in my man. Despite the fact that I knew from the onset that he had a tendency to be reckless, I chose to only see the good in him, and hoped I would be able to influence a change in him as the relationship progressed.
Initially, it seemed to be working. Dave was a sweet lover, he cared for me and made sure I was always happy. He stopped smoking and keeping late nights because I asked him to, and I was really happy that my man was understanding and willing to compromise.
There was however a problem – he wanted sex but I asked him to wait till we are married.
We went back and forth over the issue for a few months; I allowed him to do every other thing with me but sex, and each time I denied him, we quarreled for a day or two. He would come around later and things went well until the next time he asked for sex. We kept that circle on for about fourteen months and suddenly he changed.
He reverted to his old practices and was even worse than when I first knew him. He would drink to stupor and be found in unspeakable places the next morning. Each time I tried talking to him, he told me I had no justification to do so. According to him, he had done everything to make me happy, but I was not making him happy.
I felt blackmailed. A huge part of my boundaries had already been pushed to accommodate Dave, giving in to sex was one part of the boundary I was not going to push. I loved him, and didn’t want to let go, but I also couldn’t bring myself into pre-marital sex. The fear of bad advise made me decide not to talk to my friends about it. I also couldn’t tell my elder sister for fear of judgement (having done other sexually related activities with Dave) so I thought it best to keep it to myself and let things take a natural course.
What broke the camel’s back for me was going to Dave’s family home and witnessing the rude way he addressed his own mother! It showed how reckless he truly was. If he could be that bad with his own mother, I shuddered at the thought of what he would do to me as his wife.
I immediately realized that the feeling I had for Dave was a deadly trap I was deliberating leading myself into. It became paramount for me to break out or stay stuck forever in the name of love.
I broke up with him two weeks later, and I have not looked back since then.