It’s another edition of #HumourTuesday and we are here again as usual to present you something comical around relationships, dating and marriage. Please read and tell us what you think.
Today’s humour post is about a certain Mr. Adisa’s interesting and humorous visit to the marriage counselor, who turns the whole affair to something like a Marital Screening. Enjoy below:
Marriage Counselor: ‘How long have you known Sister Ope?’
Adisa: ‘Long enough to think of marrying her’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Why do you want to marry her?’
Adisa: ‘Because I find her marriageable’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Do you love our church member, Sister Ope you want to marry?’
Adisa: ‘Do I love her? No, I don’t, I dated her for 3years, 10months, 3weeks, 2days, 17hours, 15seconds and chose to marry her blindfolded out of over 3.5billion women in the world because I was jinxed, I invited friends and family to my wedding with someone I don’t love, I forsook all others to be maritally welded and matrimonially committed to someone I detest, I left my work to travel 7 states to this town to play ludo, I abandoned my tight schedule to come down for a week-long marriage counseling that appears every inch a criminal investigation, guilt finding, witnesses’ cross examination and suspect’s interrogation because of someone I don’t love, but hate passionately as a prolific time waster. No, I don’t love her, It is you I love’.
Marriage Counselor: ‘Hello Mr. Adisa, are you saved?’
Adisa: ‘Let he who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls, for our righteousness is like a filthy rag before the Lord’.
Marriage Counselor: ‘Have you ever kissed her?’
Adisa: ‘Grown up men don’t kiss and tell’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Have you ever known a woman sexually before?’
Adisa: ‘Thou shall not count a woman’s child for her or count the quantity of water that has passed under the bridge. Thy sins have God forgiven, forgotten and remembers no more. Behold old things have passed away and behold, all things have become new. It is ridiculous to ask a grown up married woman who got her pregnant; It is insensitive to ask a grown up adult man If he has ever slept with a woman- that’s invasion of privacy, unnecessary inter-meddling, untoward excitation, sheer prying into other people’s affairs and careless past digging. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Whatever a man has done with himself and the ladies he met before is outside the purview of your concern, what should be your concern is his relationship with your church member’.
Marriage Counselor: ‘Is your marriage bed undefiled and honourable? Have you ever had a carnal knowledge of Sister Ope?’
Adisa: ‘I don’t own a marriage bed yet, I am a rug and sofa person. I am only accountable to God regarding my carnal knowledge affairs. I am not Catholic, we don’t confess to Priests. If you must know, I am not sure I have had carnal knowledge of her in my conscious state’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Do you make out?’
Adisa: ‘If you are buying a car that you can’t test drive without first paying for, won’t you at least kickstart and warm it?’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Do you know her house and has she ever visited you at home?’
Adisa: ‘No, I don’t. We dey jam for moon’
Marriage Counselor: ‘Has she ever cooked for you? Has she ever entered your kitchen? Is she a good cook?’
Adisa: ‘Which should I answer first? Do you marry a stranger? Is entering my kitchen also a sin? Am I marrying a chef or a wife? Hope this helps’.
Marriage Counselor: ‘Do you know the Bible? Recite 12 relevant portions of the Bible and their exact chapter and verses’
Adisa: ‘Even the Devil knows God’s word. A good man is not known by how proficient in the word he is, but by how much of the word he applies. It is one thing to recite the word like a robot, it is another to live by the word. Empty words count for nothing, good character counts for everything’.
Marriage Counselor: ‘What is your source of livelihood?’
Marriage Counselor: ‘This counseling session is over!’
In one sentence, describe ADISA and his visit to the Marriage Counselor.
We think he is a lawyer who knows the bible. lol. What do you think?