One of the greatest deal breakers in a relationship is infidelity. Most often than not, a couple is never the same once an issue of infidelity comes up between them and the one who has been cheated upon is usually the one bearing all the hurt and trauma.
Infidelity can shatter even the strongest relationship, leaving behind feelings of betrayal, guilt, and anger. For those trying to overcome the trauma of infidelity, counselling psychologist, Olive Ellis notes that it takes hard work, support of family, friends, a good therapist, and each other, it is possible for a couple to put the cloud of an affair behind them, and in some cases, emerge as a stronger unit.
“When the initial shock of an affair is over, it is time for both persons in the relationship to examine what role they played in letting the relationship slide down such a slippery slope in the first place.”
She provided a few tips to rekindling the romance and stepping in the right direction, all in the name of love. They have been enumerated below.
1. Stop having the affair. You can’t move on together if you have not closed the forbidden doors. The infidelity has to stop so the couple can work towards recovery.
2. Both couples need to examine what role they played in the breakdown of the relationship. This is not to trade blames, but to find out what really went wrong and start working towards correcting them for the future.
3. Be patient as the recovery process will take time. Things will not go back to normal in an instant. The cheater has to understand that the other person has been badly hurt and wounded, and it takes time to heal. Patience is an important tool to make the process work.
4. The partner who had the affair needs to be willing to discuss what happened openly if the betrayed spouse wants to do that. No holds barred, come out open and be remorseful. Talking things out might help your partner come to terms quickly and find ways to forgive the situation.
5. There needs to be a willingness to make promises and commitments about the future and that an affair will not happen again. Remorse is very important for the partner who cheated and they need to state clearly their decision not to go down the old way.
6. The betrayed person should set the timeline for recovery. The person who cheated most times wants to put it behind and move on, but he or she should honour the other person’s request.
7. The person who had the affair should examine the personal reasons for straying and what needs to change to avoid the temptation in the future.
8. Both people in the relationship should take responsibility for building a new foundation by asking the other what he or she can do to rebuild the connection and what actions should be avoided.
9. It might be difficult to reconcile on their own, so they should seek the services of a relationship psychologist who can help get the relationship back on track.
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