Today, we are looking at how mothers spoil their daughters’ relationship life. Don’t chop off my head just yet. Mothers are adorable, and they want the best for their wards. Sometimes, their idea of the best is actually the worst in the reality of the changing times. A mother goes to great lengths to ensure of her daughter‘s wellbeing; to ensure that her daughter does…sometimes, what her mother thinks is right for her to do…it is actually in doing what her mother THINKS IS RIGHT that mothers unknowingly put their daughters’ relationship life in danger.
Still confused? Oya follow me go…
Whether by introducing a so-called psychological support in front of family members, friends, or worse yet in front of her daughter’s friends, or by plain verbal abuse and bullying; some mothers continue to instill the lack of confidence and an understanding of no longer working models of women’s roles into their daughters’ vulnerable heads.
Look at this scenario. A daughter is approaching thirty, and remains unmarried. You sometimes hear things like ‘What a shame to the family’, ‘What a shame for the mother’, and mothers are usually paranoid in situations like that, so they try to do everything within their power to reverse it. You can’t blame a mother though, she has tried so hard to raise the best daughter there is, and there is no Prince Charming in sight.
At first, a mother can launch an open critique towards your daughter’s current choices, then she moves into tantrums like “What have I done wrong, that you can’t find a husband?” to the “If you continue being so fussy, you’ll end up with no husband at all! And you’ll die alone”. And if a daughter is particularly lucky, then her mother will add some honesty “I just want grandchildren! Can you give me at least one? With or without the husband you can’t pick?”
If only that was the solution. The minute you are married, your mother will become the endless source of rules, advice, and other guidelines that may poison your marriage.
Here are just two examples of the relationship advice mothers give to their daughters; with the ‘relevant’ explanations.
“Annie, you should never ever date Yoruba men! They are the worst!”
Annie, is a 3 year old girl. Her mother, Liz is still heartbroken after her Yoruba husband left her for another woman the day Annie was born.
You see ehn, a mother’s bad-luck in her relationship doesn’t mean her daughter will face the same issues. At least if that mother stops feeding her own failures or unlucky events as the-facts-of-life, and not pushing it into her daughter’s little head. What makes every Yoruba dude out there a DEMON by the way? Let your daughters choose us if we are the best option available. *tongue out*
“Let your brother go with them, it’s not girly to always be outdoors”
This mother asked her daughter to wait at home, while daddy takes her son out shopping. The same way many mothers ‘camp’ their daughter indoor for all the best time when they should be out there learning to socialize and gaining some street sense.
She continues to stay indoors even as a grown up, hoping someday that Prince Charming will walk to her room to propose to her. Even if she gets delivered of the indoor disease, she just simply wont understand how to deal with men. Such girls can’t keep a relationship for long because they expect every guy to be like their loving Dad.
Let your daughters out, let them meet people. Let them learn; the hard way or not…it will be worth it much later.
To keep this discourse going, I would love you to add those things mothers tell their daughters, which doesn’t really help them later in life and contributes to how mothers spoil their daughters’ relationship life.
I am SILICON… Scribbling for GLOWVILLE