The most common thing I discuss with people about are unhealthy relationships, or the fantasy of a relationship that is, in reality, one-sided. It’s such a mystery that a lot of people, male and female, seem to know that they are in an abusive relationship, but can’t seem to have the will to get out of it. This article however is to explain the danger of holding on to an unhealthy relationship.
People often cling to unhealthy relationships. They try to hold on to someone who is obviously not good for them. This is especially true of persons who are more “other oriented” and self-sacrificing. Most often it’s the woman or the more emotional/feminine partner who can’t seem to let go. They build their whole world around their partner whom they love, risking their entire reality crashing down if it doesn’t work out. The masculine ego, on the other hand, tends to have a stronger sense of self-preservation which can manifest as selfishness at times. It also makes one less likely to become trapped in a hurtful relationship with somebody who walks all over them and makes continual demands. The feminine psyche is usually more forgiving.
Without betraying anyone’s confidence, I have realized over my discussions with a lot of people that this situation is very common! I can’t even tell you how many times a lady/guy will remain committed to a partner who is guilty of one or more of the following: emotional or physical abuse; cheating and lying; disrespect; demanding money to spend on alcohol, drugs, and gambling; taking time, energy and resources without giving anything back; and failing to return calls or call in the first place. If you are doing all the work in your unhealthy relationships, and you give and give until you feel drained, just hoping they’ll change someday, know that you’re wasting your time because there’s a good chance they won’t change.
You do all this work and yet your partner insists that they do not want a commitment. They may even say, “I am not in love with you,” or “We are not in a relationship”. Despite hearing these words you go about asking when they will be ready to commit to you. When you use the word “when,” you assume you have a future with this person. That may not be realistic because you are in an unhealthy relationship.
You need to really find out what’s wrong with your partner.
They may carry emotional baggage from past failed relationships. Maybe they want love, but they are afraid of being hurt again. Maybe they love you, but they fear commitment. The bottom line is you need to focus on what they are actually telling you through their words and actions. More importantly, their actions.
If you are not a priority in their life, let that unhealthy relationship go! You can do better.
Being involved with a person like this damages your self-esteem. Even if you think you won’t ever meet someone new and better, let the unhealthy relationship go. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve real love from a person who is worthy of your love. If you stay with a person who is unworthy of your love and avoids commitment, you are potentially pushing away a better person. So stop trying to change somebody who doesn’t want to change, and free up your time and energy for the person who is willing and able to be your partner in a healthy relationship of mutual love, trust and respect.
You deserve real love!