One thing that has plagued a lot of relationships and may continue to destroy relationships is the issue of ‘Stereotyping‘. Many people project old experiences they had with people of a particular tribe, and make it a general thing. Others form opinion about a whole group of people based on hearsay. We have even seen people create their impression based on what they watch on TV or hear on radio.
All of these are toxic to blossoming relationships because they leave the affected person no chance to prove the notion to be right or wrong. The prejudice most often makes them look like the devil. Such is the case with our break up story this week. A guy broke his relationship simply because his mother told him to break up with his girlfriend. Why? Because she is from Benin, Edo State. Nigeria.
Here is the story, directly from the horse’s mouth:
We started off as friends, then we became besties. He didn’t ask me out, but we realized one day that things had metamorphosed quickly between us, and we were really fond of each other.
Things went very cool between us. We understood ourselves and knew we were in love and also knew what we wanted with each other.
It was not my first time of being in a relationship, but with him, I could define love. His name fills my heart with joy. His face was what I always wanted to see. I could spend the whole day with him and still miss him within 5 minutes of separating.
Our love was far beyond sex, it was a connection (a strong one) that people around and even us couldn’t understand.
We have our issues, but even when we argue, something pulls us back. That was he truest and purest thing I’ve ever felt till date.
Suddenly, he started acting funny and was becoming distant. I immediately knew something was wrong because I understand him very well. He never failed to call me every evening and remind me that he loves me. But he stopped and I had to seemingly force him to do even the basic things.
The distance between our heart was becoming uncomfortable for me. It seemed like he was pushing me away. But I chose to believe that he was either hiding something or he was going through something. I decided not to force it since it was unlike him.
At that point, we were two years and some months in our relationship. In all that time, our issues had never been this serious.
One day, I summoned up courage and talked to him about it. That was when he opened up to me about his mum.
He said his mum called him to express concerns about his long-term relationship with me. She told him that she didn’t have a problem with my family and my character. The only problem she had was that am not Igbo and she wouldn’t want him to end up with a Benin girl.
I pressed him to tell me what issues his mum had with people from Benin, but he wouldn’t. I suspected that his mother told him to break up with me due to the popular notion that Benin people have affinity with witchcraft. He maintained that he didn’t know, but he wanted to honour his mother.
He however confessed that he didn’t want to end the relationship abruptly because he loved me and he was not sure he would feel the same way with someone else.
If I didn’t know him better, I would have accused him of being a mummy’s boy.
I was just too in love and was still ready to stick around hoping his mum would change her mind one day and let me love her son in peace.
Sadly, days rolled into weeks and into months and he wanted me to end it because he didn’t want to feel guilty for breaking what we had. He felt pity for me because of the many sacrifices I had made. But that wasn’t what I wanted for myself, I was losing my friend, my best friend, my lover and there was nothing I could do. His mother told him to break up, and that was the only thing he really wanted to do.
He eventually made a way for me to end it by cheating and allowing me catch him.
Till date, he still calls and tells me he wishes he didn’t end it that way.
Since we broke that relationship, I have not had the courage to fall in love with another person.
As sent in by Ruth
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