Healing the heartbroken is one of the most difficult thing to achieve, but it is not impossible. It takes you knowing the right things to do, right words to say and the right way to inspire the person to heal from a heartbreak, come to terms with life and move on.
More often than not, sad moments bring about a lot of fuss from friends and loved ones – and a heart-break is one of such moments. Has anyone noticed that sympathizers can only be around for so long?
Yes, they will be there in the first few days of the heart trouble, but as the days roll by, they expect that you would have put it behind you and be ready to seek out the next relationship ride of course, this does not make them insensitive or pretentious but only confirms that one has to be in it to know it.
True! A broken relationship can take its toll, especially if a lot of good substance has been invested.
True also! It is not as easy to get over it as many may paint it, as it is more disheartening to hear statements like:
- “it’s his/her loss”
- He/she didn’t /doesn’t deserve you”
In fact! I think, the more one hears such statements, the more we let our minds wonder what the “ex” is up to or what he/she truly deserves and if they are getting it.
I daresay that, offering motivational /inspirational pep talks too early at such sad moments open more wounds and/ or even cause a longer than normal healing period and process; in the sense that, it could cause the hurting one to adopt a forced demeanour of “it is well” for want of seeming like a burden or weak; even worse still, trying to consider the sensibilities of those around and wanting not to make them uncomfortable.
What I am saying is, yes! We must share with our loved ones every moment that they experience, but I have noticed that in moments and experiences that call for lamentations and tears, healing cannot come from the outside, it must be initiated from within the pained.
Hence, I will suggest the following to help a hurting friend;
- Call him/her more regularly than you usually do;
- Make more frequent visits than you would usually;
- Be sure not to be the initiator of the sore issue during conversations;
- Even when he/she brings up the issue, listen more and do not offer smart comments or advise; except you’re expressly asked for your opinion; and
- Depending on the mood of the pained, you could relay your happy/funny experiences for some good laughs.
One thing is sure, once a friend is ready to move on, there are usually tell tale signs; as they will be more eager to face a new day or even plan adventure or some things of that nature. One tip that should guide the mind of one who intends to help the hurt heal is not to ever rush them out of their pain; encourage tears or even controlled rage if need be.
Lastly, let them come to terms with the situation and make sure they answer the question “what next” in their own words and with their own plan of action; you should only bother yourself with being a good guide.
I am Kienmo, scribbling for GLOWVILLE
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