Since our last article on the benefits of having a bestie of the opposite sex, we have had loads of feedback. While some think it is not possible for singles to have a bestie of the opposite sex without intimacy or sex coming into play, others agree to its possibility, and this article aims to shed light on how to crack the code of staying cool friends with that guy or girl without having to look for ‘extra benefits’.
Below are some tips on how to have a bestie of the opposite sex without intimacy and keeping it at that, I do hope you find this useful as it worked for me.
1. Ensure you are not intimately attracted to Him/Her.
We know having a bestie is not something which is predetermined or mapped out, but at some point we tend to see someone and know we can share our secrets etc with them and still be safe. At that point we must make sure we do not hold any form of sexual attraction for them, he/she does not spark up some sensations in you, and whenever you are together, you don’t long to pull them close and get busy. Once you have convincingly removed these, then you can conveniently become a bestie with this person without the fear of intimacy coming into play.
2. Define Your Friendship.
If you will have a bestie of the opposite sex without intimacy, both of you need to define your friendship. Whilst you may see someone as good enough to be your bestie, they may not see or feel the same way for you. So both of you need to sit and talk about it as those who also want to start a relationship would. Ensure you both just want to be best of friends and not lovers, this way you have ruled out the possibility of intimacy.
3. Share Common Bond.
You and your bestie should share common bond; it could be work, books, movies, songs, sports etc. This helps to strengthen your friendship and most times takes your mind away from intimacy. I had a bestie of the opposite sex during my NYSC. We both loved to dance amongst other things we share in common, but dancing was our strongest bond. We would learn new dance steps together, spend hours listening to a new song and finding the right steps to go with it. Eventually, we became dance partners and wouldn’t want to dance with anyone else at a party. We were both single but it never crossed our minds to get intimate or have a relationship. Ensure you and your bestie have a lot of common interests outside sex. You would also need to make sure these are the reason you both are attracted to each other, as friends.
4. Keep your hands and body to yourself.
When you have a bestie, you would likely touch each other once in a while. Where you touch, how you touch and the frequency of your touch speaks volumes. If you want to touch, it must be casual and not lingering. Touching can spark some serious ideas in both of you. Remember, you want to remain besties not lovers.
5. Talk about those crushing on you.
Yes you are both single but definitely you must have people asking for intimate relationship with you both, always talk about this with your bestie, keep them in the loop, let them know your eyes are looking everywhere else but in their direction, this helps pass the message and solidify the fact that you just want to be and remain besties with them.
6. Constantly remind yourself.
When we cross the line of friendship into intimacy, things can get sweet or messy; it all depends on how you go about them. But why should we have to find out which way it goes and loose our friendship in the case of the latter? It is better to play safe by reminding ourselves always that we are besties not lovers. That way, we keep ourselves in check. I’m not saying we should begin to walk on eggshells around them. Just have it at the back of your mind how valuable this friendship is to you, and what you would do to protect and keep it.
I believe if you stay true to your feelings and can follow through with the above tips you would have yourself a long lasting bestie of the opposite sex without intimacy with them at the end of the day.