Happiness is a quest, we all want to be happy. Some find it easy, others work at it. A set of people fight for it, another set are desperate to attain it, and there is one other group of people who are never satisfied with their level of happiness; they always want more. Interestingly, over 85% of world population fall in this last group. Little wonder we always have to remind ourselves that happiness should come from within. How does this endless pursuit affect our happiness in relationships?
The insatiable pursuit of happiness in relationships has set a lot of people on dangerous paths and made them worse off. This happens when we can’t seem to find contentment in the little blessings that surround us; the joy of having a family that loves us, of having the breath of life, of having good health, of having a job; no matter how little we earn, etc. In our desperation for more happiness, we somehow heap misery upon ourselves and upon those that surround us.
Since this article is meant to focus on our relationships, I will go from this angle – some singles see a happy couple and assume that being in that relationship is what has made them happy. This makes them want to be in a relationship so bad that they desperately begin the search for Mr or Ms Right. They eventually ‘find the one’, get into a relationship. Everything seems great but only until they see other people’s relationship and believe that these other people are happier. So, they keep pushing boundaries. They begin to bite more than chew. Some people get away with it but some on the other hand sink even before they get into deep waters. And then the blame game begins. “You don’t care about my happiness”, “you aren’t doing enough”, “maybe we rushed this”, yada yada yada.
Using my personal pursuit of happiness experience as an example. When I was a lot younger, I felt lonely among friends sometimes. I was the only one who did not have a girlfriend. Whenever my friends talked about their girlfriends with excitement, I felt left out and unhappy. I thought the peak of happiness was in finding a girlfriend, so I went all out in search of one. Trust me, I was very cute back then, it wasn’t that hard to get one *winks*.
Finally, I got my own girlfriend and I could raise my head with pride among friends to talk about my girlfriend. I had attained an equal status with them, and I was really excited – I was happy, or so I thought.
Life happens all the time, every thing in life gets its fair share of storms. Even in my baby relationship, we had challenges and we were really not being mature about it, simply because we weren’t even mature at that time! It was crazy that in a matter of a few weeks, I was back to my unhappy state. I felt like I was not doing something right, I felt like a weakling, and I felt I was still not up to measure whenever I saw my friends enjoying their own relationship without the common quarreling that besieged my own.
So, what did I do? I decided to fake it. I accepted everything my baby I relationship threw at me just to look up to standard among friends. I was burning inside, but I had to keep a smiling face that just says ‘all is well’.
Guess what, I got the shocker of my life! I was dumped! That was a massive drop to point zero.
I quickly ruffled my feathers again and got into another relationship. This time, I felt I had learnt all the lessons I needed to learn. But, the challenges in my second relationship were much different from the first. Hence, I had to continue keeping up with the Johnsons; feigning happiness when I wasn’t. I continued to search for true happiness based on what I saw from friends, but I never found. I eventually had to dump the relationship.
The cycle continued this way for me, and I continued to lose precious people until I personally discovered what true happiness really meant.
I realized that happiness doesn’t make you immune to challenges, but it makes you immune to suffering from it. Happiness is an elixir for desperation; it keeps you calm and in control of your life.
When you constantly struggle with happiness and contentment in your relationship; when you constantly compare your relationship with others; believing that the grass is definitely greener on the other side, you end up constituting a burden to yourself and to your partner. That way, you are likelier to transfer that negative vibe to your partner and crash the relationship.
When you are really happy with yourself and the little blessings that surround you, you become an asset to your partner and your relationship. It doesn’t take all the money in the world to gain happiness in relationships, it is just about two people appreciating the blessing of having each other and being ready to work through their differences to arrive at a perfect union.
The grass is not always greener on the other side. Nothing else can guarantee happiness in relationships other than the happiness you exude. Give what you want to get in a relationship, that is only when you can be successful in your pursuit of happiness.
There is no perfect relationship out there. You have to work it out some way or another with somebody who is ready to do the same. Stop searching so desperately for Mr. or Ms. Right. You first need to work on you.
Comparing yourself or your relationship with others will get you nowhere.
If you cannot be happy on your own, enjoy life without depending on someone else as a source of joy, there’s only so little you can do in a relationship. You’ll just drag your dirty baggage into the ship and sink it.
Be at peace with yourself. If you have any past hurts, take time out to heal. Don’t just go rushing into another relationship, hoping that the new relationship will wash away all the hurts. Heal first. Don’t rush it. Take all the time you need.
Be content. The importance of contentment cannot be over emphasized. If as a single lady or guy, you always want more and are never satisfied, you’ll just be a burden to your partner. They’ll never be at peace with you around. They’ll keep thinking about what next to do to please you, it’d be like walking on egg shells around you.
I’ll leave you with these three things that’d help curtail DESPERATION if its rears its ugly head.
True Personal Happiness
If you can have all of these on your own, then you are on your way to a jolly ride across all winds and storms.
I wish you a successful voyage in your quest for happiness in your relationship.
I am CYNTHIA OMO…Scribbling for GLOWVILLE