If you have missed previous editions of CARO & I, please click here to read.
Let’s get straight to this episode.
I think there’s a level of confidence you might enjoy between your partner and yourself that can elicit lethargy. First hand experience. I see it everyday in my relationship with Caro and it gets me worried. Who would ever suppose having implicit confidence in the decision making of one’s partner could be a bad thing in any way?
This is how it works.
You love her. She loves you too. You’re satisfied you can marry her. She wants to get married to you too. And one would suppose these sincere confessions or admissions are enough to guarantee an effortless journey into marital-dom. But hardly! The cocksureness of either’s feelings could get one of you cocky to the extent of taking the other for granted.
It is worse in a situation as Caro and I where for example, there is no strict rules guiding communication; like when the first convo gets initiated in a day. I mean, why go out of your way to begin a good morning chat you can’t sustain when in actual fact, with or without the conversation, your partner’s feelings remains unchanged?
And that’s how you begin to take things for granted.
It takes great effort to avoid the pitfall of lethargy that arises as a result of this. Moreso, ideally a relationship ought to develop to a stage where a brief lack of communication doesn’t waver the confidence two people in the relationship have in each other. It’s crazy.
You build your relationship to such a level you can be fine if you’ve not heard from him. If he doesn’t call before bed, he probably slept off. You’re not worried. You’d find out in the morning. As against if he doesn’t initiate conversation before bed, you’ll start having images of boyfriend shagging some strange girls. So your relationship is on that level of mutual trust and boom! Boyfie starts sleeping off more often without calling or texting because he knows you know he is not up to anything funny. He takes you for granted cos you trust him. You trusted him cos you love him. The irony is amazing.
How do I try to rise above this in my own relationship? Nuh be small thing. I constantly remind myself I am with a woman I want and I don’t wanna mess it up with an unforced error.
Love is not effortless. It is hardwork. Only the courageous loves because it requires going out of oneself. I try to be courageous. When the lethargy rears it’s ugly head in form of eventual altercation, I own up. I accept I need to be a better dude.
So doubts that raise tension here and there aren’t all bad for your relationship. They come with perks and keep us on our toes. They remind us love is not enough and test our resolve. Like I discovered in my journey with Caro so far, the true test of love is how much effort you’re willing to keep investing in a relationship to make it work. For if you truly love a thing, you’d fight for it.
If everything is going too smooth, create a sensible artificial tension. These come naturally to women. Shake your relationship’s comfort zone and get reassurance of mutual feelings. Be guided and ready to wrap up your experiment if it looks like going wrong o. That said, a successful relationship is characterized by the good the bad and the ugly.
Stop fretting at the first sight of disagreement (genuine or artificial). An altercation is not a quit notice.