12 strategies for getting the man of your dreams

12 ways to get the man of your dreams

Last time, we talked about the 12 strategies for wooing the girl of your dreams as shared by Soogun Omoniyi. Today, we are facing the ladies and returning the favour. Ladies, who said you can’t get that dude you have been eyeing for a long time. The faster you act, the better for you. These 12 strategies for getting the man of your dreams will keep you ahead of competition; provided your competition is also not reading this. Lol

Over to Soogun Omoniyi, as he shares the 12 strategies for getting the man of your dreams.

Ladies and gentlemen, before we proceed, I must tell you; a lady wooing a guy is usually not as uncomplicated as you think because men can like to be hunters naturally. But it’s not impossible.

1) The Direct method:

A rare and brave one. What’s your business with men being the hunters when you can also hunt. You walk up to him and state your mind. I won’t advice a lady with self-esteem issues to go this way; it takes a normal/high self-esteem to handle a no.

If the guy is sensible, you’re lucky; if he’s a Yoruba demon, sorry, I can’t help you.

2) The Hate method:

Your job is to make him feel hated for no reason. Set him wondering why you’re always on his case, why you’re ‘coincidentally’ always the first to appear to mock him. You actually know all you’ve been doing is getting his attention in your own strange way.

It takes a genius to know the correct dose of hate, lest you chase him away. I fear ladies that wield this method.

3) The Dead Antelope 1/The Potiphar’s Wife method:

Why should your precious man waste his time and energy hunting when you can just kill yourself and drop dead before him? Go with all your ‘assets’ and present yourself. If he’s a Joseph, don’t go ahead and put him in trouble by screaming “rape!” You may have to try again, but not when he’s inside Fox River State Penitentiary.

One disadvantage – since you were found dead, he may cut and cook you anyhow. He won’t mind giving his friends some free antelope soup too.

4) The Dead Antelope 2/ The Parade method:

Yes, you’re dead still, but not by his door this time. You’re dead inside. Parade yourself before him. Plant yourself in his subconscious. Flash what he likes until he sees it. When he’s finally set to shoot, make sure you’re down before the trigger pulls back. He won’t notice. He shoots once, you fall ten times.

Advantage- He’ll give himself the credit for a hunt well executed.

5) The Success method:

This method can get me. I once told my friends I’d love to marry a lady who earns above 300,000 naira per month; there’s nothing wrong in it. Be intelligent. Be prosperous. Be smart. Follow your dreams and talents. Your success has the ability to attract guys; well, good and demonic ones.

Don’t mind the belief that too much success will threaten a man away. If it does, toh. Good riddance.

6) The Fake method:

I loathe this one. It will not work on guys like me. Be unreal. Be everything you’re not – that he likes. Fake breasts. Fake bum. Fake smile. Photo magic. Fake accent. Fake face – it doesn’t matter if it will always take some time and a lot of convincing to recognize you every morning after the wedding, you’re home already.

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Fake life. Ladies who use this should know hell is real.

7) The Stomach method:

An old and wonderful method. Shout out to all the ladies who can cook; who can kidnap a man with pancake and chicken wings. The saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is finally not false. If you cannot make correct and solid meals, just forget this method already. When he’s sleeping, feed him. When he’s awake feed him. In fact, spend your life savings on food for him.

Disadvantage – you can suddenly become a cafeteria. Just a cafeteria.

8) The Witchcraft method:

Usually used for total control of the guys senses and life cycle. Become or increase your rank as a witch. Know how to fetch water inside a basket. Know how to talk without parting your lips and you may be able to get him.

I’ve heard of this method before. It’s one road to perdition.

9) The Helper method:

Be true. Appear as a helpmate. See into his needs. Advice him. Encourage his purpose. Communicating with him using gifts is not a terrible idea. As you do these, give him all the respect in the world. Soon, he may start seeing you as the one; the true helpmate. This method is noble. I like.

disadvantage – You may feel really hurt if nothing comes out of it.

10) The Crazy Lady method:

Doing crazy things should be your norm. Break bottles in a blink. Talk anyhow. Crazy clothes. Fearful hairstyles. Be dangerous. Some guys are turned on by this; they find it challenging and interesting.

See this as the same way some hunters will deliberately go for the most dangerous animals.

11) The Pity method:

Will work well on guys with flying emotions. There are a few relationships built on pity. If these humans can pull it off, you surely can too. Just get him to sympathize with you. Pump him full with sad stories; they don’t always have to be true. Make him believe you’ll die if he leaves you.

Never make the mistake of becoming too happy and satisfied. You’re to remain in sadness till the day he pulls out the ring.

12) The Belle method:

Highly appropriate for ladies whose only asset is physical beauty; damsels with little or no sense. Once you ‘cat-walk’ to meet the guy, your beauty will scatter his reasoning faculty so that your senselessness remains hidden.

Tell him there are 500 days in a year and he’ll nod his head in agreement.


Ladies, tell me which of the 12 strategies for getting the man of your dreams suit would work perfectly for you?

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One comment

  1. This is so funny. This writer must have many sisters.

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