Forgiveness is HARDER than you think!

On Social Pulse this week, we are looking at the issue of forgiveness, how it plays out in the mind of the one who’s been hurt, and why other people shouldn’t be quick to ask anyone to forgive. This piece is written by Vivien Adaeze and she is asking you to think deep about before asking anyone to forgive. Please read below.

We live in a society that screams forgiveness at any time and rubs it in with biblical injunction. We are quick to quote bible verses on forgiveness especially one that that mandates we forgive seventy times seven times a day. Smh.

You see, I have a problem with anyone, anyone that immediately ask me to forgive when mediating on an issue. Can you just chill and let me vent out my annoyance? Can you shove your advice on forgiveness down your a** and hear me out first?

Why are we just so quick to give advice?

A girl is raped by a member of the family and we are quick to tell her to forgive. Oh! You are a Christian, you should forgive him. The more you keep the grievance in your heart, the more it weighs you down. Jesus admonishes us to forgive and forget. Let God fight your battle. Vengeance is for the lord. If you report him, it changes nothing. Just forgive him and get your life back on track.

You catch a philandering man in his acts and the familiar words come knocking. Forgive him, you know marriage is all about patience and endurance. What would you gain by fighting the father of your kids? If you leave him, do you think anyone would look your way? Forgive him, watch War Room and pray harder for him.

I read a story on Motherhood in style page here on ‘Zuckerville’ about how a mom sponsored the trip of a young family member overseas to help her with her daily activities. Young lady boarded the plane, landed and went straight to live with a friend who resides in the same state. She never contacted the lady who sponsored the trip. Mom got worried, made inquiries and confirmed she boarded the flight. After getting over the shock of the whole incident, she contacted the authority and young lady was deported to Nigeria. Family members became her nightmare as they insisted she would have forgiven the young lady. They branded her all sort plus not being a good Christian. I read the comments on the thread and I confirmed that most Nigerians would rather use God, Jesus and Bible than critically look at an issue.

Forgiveness doesn’t always bring healing. It doesn’t contrary to popular belief.

The case of Ibinabo comes to mind. I read with annoyance some of the posts, updates and comments made during her conviction. People asking the family to forgive as it wouldn’t bring back the dead.

Forgiveness doesn’t always give closure. Most times, seeing the offending party pay for their crimes is the only recourse

You don’t tell people how to mourn their loss.

You don’t tell people what you think they should do when they are hurt

Allow people grieve

Let them cry

Let them curse

Let them hurt

Let people decide when they feel it is okay for them to let go. It might take days, months, years. It is different for people. The most important is that they are allowed to choose their own pace. Don’t go around throwing the bible, God and Jesus to them. Just stop it already.

And if they decide not to forgive, let them be. It isn’t your call. You do not know the degree or extent in which they have been hurt. You are not in their shoes. Don’t patronize them with the so common “I know how you feel”
Don’t guilt trap them with talks about being a Christian and all.

Forgiveness is divine. It paves way for true healing but let the grieving party chose when. It’s really not our call to guilt trap them by making them forgive.

Forgiveness should come naturally. It shouldn’t be coerced.


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What do you think about the issue of forgiveness? Let us hear from you in the comment section.

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