This First Year in Marriage Lessons is coming to you from my good friend, Lekan Adebumiti who is himself a relationship blogger. In this piece, he shares five life-changing lessons he encountered within the first year of his marriage.
Good, bad or ugly, it’s worth it when we go through life to learn and share whatever we’ve gathered; my first year of marriage is a proof of that.
To be factual, my marital life has been a confirmation of all I’ve heard, read, known and witnessed.
I’ll share five lessons I have learnt within the first year of my marriage.
First Year In Marriage Lessons #1: Romance Doesn’t Make Sense
From a personal standpoint, almost everything in romance makes no sense and I’ve learned to keep my senses out of them all.
If your spouse complains about your anti-romantic nature, be sure your understanding of romance is questionable. You’re probably using your senses to rubbish their desires.
Wait, why should your wife want you to come rub your hands on her legs when her hands are functioning?
It just doesn’t make any customary sense, right?
But have you ever listened to some foolish jokes and you laughed? You even laughed to some that made no sense and you were happy, right?
Then why would you expect everything about romance to be top notch to your sensuality?
Whenever she said ‘Let us go see a film…’ ‘Let us go on a vacation…’ Let us do this and that, the unromantic part of you would be like “What will I gain by doing all those?”
The truth is, you don’t have to gain anything. In fact, you will lose some money to it while you watch everything unfold.
Ordinarily, you can’t wake up in a day and begin to like partying, picnics and all that if you’ve not been doing them before you got married!
Mind you, whatever you want also might not make any sense to your spouse but they’ll have to do them because they understand how romance works.
Uncle Daddy and Aunt Mummy, you can still start now. Don’t be too rigid like this, I beg.
To the married… Is it healthy? Is it lawful? Will it make your spouse happy? Then do them and you would build a great home in no time!
Remember, romance doesn’t make sense!
To the singles, I need to tell you I struggled getting out of the agelong cocoon of my archaic nature.
The first day I entered a swimming pool was after my wedding. I was 31 years old. Shame on me. Face palm!
Hey, don’t be that rigid! Go out with friends. Attend events, invited or not. Have fun and build the life ahead.
First Year In Marriage Lessons #2: Your Marital Life is an Offshoot of Your Singlehood.
Everything that has happened in my marriage didn’t come as a surprise to me. I expected all of them and I see them unfolding on a daily basis.
Some believe that “marriage is an eye opener” but I was never a proponent of such cliché.
I understand you had a partner who told you they were changing before you got married, you even confirmed the changes as they came but got married only to discover they never did change!
I can guess you felt defeated and joined the #Marriage_is_an_eye_opener_gang. Right there, you began to hold that as a maxim for everyone you met.
No matter what anyone says, you now believe that everyone changes from good to bad in a marriage.
To burst your bubbles, you are wrong! You just didn’t listen to some still small voices and actually forgot that the worst of simpletons can change to adapt to a desire that is temporal.
If you tell your spouse they’ve changed in marriage, they might even deny it. Yes, because they might never have changed! You only acted on some emotional gyrations together for some months. Emotion is that bewitching!
In addition, it’s great to have those counselling sessions few months before you get married but I’m sure and have seen that most of those don’t help build a home!
To think that the counselling sessions are enough for a marriage is to pitch a gross failure for yourself beyond the nuptials.
And I wish the churches doing them would rather let the youth be built for a long period of time before they envisage marriage.
You ask why?
You just can’t plan a life in 3 to 6 months. Marriage doesn’t have 3 months handouts.
Have you not been preparing towards marriage and you are waiting for some counselling sessions? Then know that it is finished! Like… Kaput!
Even if you think you still can make it, well, get ready for a show of untold gagaphirolantiosis (I couldn’t find the right word to use).
If you’ve been rude, stupid, silly, lazy, unruly, and a spendthrift before you start those counselling sessions, you will only add more degrees to them when you get married – you won’t change!
At age 20, you have already built the values you will hold in marriage, except a higher knowledge falls on you.
You can’t be bad for the past 24 years of your life and change in 3 months before your wedding. It’s like bragging to stay under water for a year.
Note: when you see someone who has been ill-mannered all their life but starts behaving well few months to their wedding, watch out for their marital doom!
Here is something close…
By now you know it’s not uncommon to see a set of people who want to marry someone that will love them for who they are.
– She can’t cook and wants a man who would hate seeing her in the kitchen.
– He is so proud and wants a lady that’s humble to a fault.
– She just doesn’t like some variety of stuff and bent on changing.
They only want the partner that will glorify their inhibitions.
Does it sound like you? If yes, slap yourself.
And then we see another set of people who take pride in who they are, thereby looking out for a selfsame version of themselves.
I belong to the second set and I’ll tell you why.
Sleeping an average of 4 hours a day was a great strength to me as a single guy. I could even stay all night working and I enjoyed every bit of it.
Funny enough, I never liked sleeping in the same room with anyone that could influence my daily activities.
The worst part, I could count how many times I stayed in the living room in a year. I loved my room. And my privacy, too.
I was doing all those and happy but I look back now and wished I had undone them earlier enough.
Few years back, my elder brother had to call my attention to the monotonous lifestyle I had embraced. By then, I knew what awaited me in marriage.
While staying with my elder brother, I had issues with his wife who first thought I wouldn’t come to the living room because I didn’t like her. It was that pathetic!
Now I am married and can’t have all the time to myself. I would die trying to keep to how I used to work.
I have a daughter that will not be awake and you leave her to play all by herself. You must put her in your arms or she would weep. I mean the word weep.
Did I tell you I almost ran mad just few weeks following her birth? Yes! I had typhoid for the first time in my life and it nearly claimed my senses. Worst feeling after Tsunami!
I now have to sleep in the same room with my wife for God knows how many years, same thing I never wanted to do with anyone years back. What was I thinking!
TV? I still can tell I haven’t sat in my own living room for more than 5 times for the past one month. I have to learn.
Hey, you don’t have to make the same mistake as a single person!
Quote me: many people have problems dealing with their partners in romantic relationships because they have only managed to build their own lives independent of their future partners.
Many people can take up projects, run businesses alone and do brilliantly well but will begin to see debacle the very moment they have a partner.
They would even argue that their life was so perfect before they started a relationship.
Well, if you know anyone like that, tell them they are right; right because they only built an intrapersonal relationship and not an interpersonal one.
Intrapersonal relationship is the one you have with yourself while interpersonal relationship is the one you have with people.
In all of this, you need to know that the fact that your life is working perfectly as a single person isn’t a yardstick of a blissful relationship.
Now I advise you to Plan a Life for Two
Always check whatever you do now to see if having a partner will still give the same result. Remember, your partner might not like the stuff you hold sacred.
See this: she can’t sleep without the light on and about to marry the guy who can’t sleep with the light on… What do you think will happen in such a home?
One says, I know myself! Another says, this is just me!
Can you relate?
Just so you know, as little and harmless as a habit is, it can be the reason your relationship will crumble.
When you see the things that cause disagreements in some marriages, you would want to puke.
Many of those annoying principles and behaviours have been imbibed while growing up. We need to check them up.
So I’ll say, always find a balance in whatever values you hold about life because the simplest of things you do may be your undoing in a romantic relationship.
What do you do?
Fight your allergies. Hate your complacencies. Detest your ego. Loathe your bad habits. Abhor your inhibitions. Kill your monotonous lifestyle. Strangulate your Inferiority complex and low self-esteem!
The good news?
You can start now! Start living a better life! Stop all those rubbish top 3 tips on relationships and build the life that people can emulate.
See you on the other side of a lovely marriage.
First Year In Marriage Lessons #3: Beliefs and Expectations
A. The First Book to Read in a Romantic Relationship
Over the years, I’ve seen that many people go into romantic relationships with ready made templates of beliefs about the opposite sex.
Today, you even see books titled, “Things a Man Wants in a Relationship” and “Things a Woman Wants in a Relationship”.
While those might be lovely on the surface, you’ll do yourself more mental harm if all you do is to react from a book like that!
So what’s the first book to read?
When people come for counseling with me, I just discover there aren’t a particular book that would solve their problems better than listening to them and offering the “read your partner” book.
The first one year of my marriage was given to that idea. I did it. You might have to do the same!
I’ve been told a lot about women. I’ve read a handful of stuff about them. But to go headlong with such is to buy a puzzle I can’t crack for life.
Funny enough, you might see the traces of some of the stuff you’ve been told and read about the opposite sex in your partner… But it’s a gross disservice to your own self when you begin to act solely on them.
That you see the traces isn’t enough to conclude whatever you’ve read or heard.
A fact is, the world is already a messed up place and we add more to the struggle to undoing this mess by acting on preconceived notions about our partners.
As we grow, we gather evil beliefs from our immediate environment and we often act by these unconsciously. It’s not your life until you continue in them!
Alarmingly, in this age, you hardly meet ladies who believe that NOT ALL MEN ARE CHEATS.
Everyone believes it’s in the blood and thereby expecting to catch their partner.
Some will even send out spies to get their man!
You hear things like:
– If he’s not answering his calls, he’s actually with someone else!
– If he can’t hug you on the streets, he’s probably a cheat.
– If he never used your pics as his display picture on a social media site or chat app, he has another girl.
– If she leaves in the middle of a conversation, she’s actually chatting with someone else!
– If she can’t do everything you say, she doesn’t respect you…
(You know more examples? Help me out by typing them as a comment.)
And as we follow this misguided thoughts and beliefs, we ignorantly stab our lovely relationships right in the back and watch them bleed to a break up.
– Relearn, Unlearn and Learn
I’m from a royal family and have the best part of my life amidst my kinsmen who, to a large extent, still see women as slaves or something close.
I was somewhat caught in their web and was a great struggle to unlearn their ways.
I remember the day I was caught helping a lady to loosen her hair. It went round our locality and I was called a lot of names.
A man help a woman with her hair or even stay in the kitchen with his wife? Bath his own child and even make them up?
You can’t just be seen doing that!
And if you’ve watched them do all those, you have the tendency to do the same.
One of my uncles once told us we should know he’s been bewitched the moment we see him washing his wife’s underwear.
I’m glad to inform them all that I’ve now been bewitched! Lol.
– The Menace
Earlier this year(2017), I went to a party with a friend who saw me making a call, telling my wife where I kept some money at home.
After the call, he decided to school me by starting with, “Guy you’re finished!”. He reiterated that.
More of his words:
– You mean you told your wife where you keep your money!
– You were even on call for a couple of minutes. What will I be discussing with my wife for that long? Highest is 30 seconds!
– She doesn’t even know how much I have in my account and will never know.
And then the one that got me was, “The moment your wife knows your worth, you’re gone!”
I looked more like a fool the moment he called a woman at the occasion to contribute. Surprisingly, the woman supported my friend’s notion.
I didn’t tell you that the same friend came to the party with a lady he called HIS HANDBAG.
That’s someone who already believes that women should be treated like a waste bin – you dumb your rubbish in then until they are full to be discarded.
Undoubtedly, he is in mess!
Just so you know, I have a wife I can trust. She knows how much I earn and how much is in my bank accounts.
I can hear someone saying, “it’s because you’re just starting… By the time your marriage is 5 years old, you would confess that women can’t be trusted”.
To such I’ll say, “the wait is worth it!”
I met another friend who began to chat me up on extra marital affairs. He was so bold to address me like a regular Casanova.
He didn’t know that I’m not regular… I come through like #Bangdadadang.
Can you imagine this man wanted to know how many ladies I have beside my wife?
When I told him I had none, he sat startled. He looked at me and said, “Guy it’s not good – not good to have only one woman. You need to have them in sizes and…”
He was just disappointed in the end.
In this age, you meet innocent ladies who have been victims of this menace called beliefs start saying… “Every man is a cheat, the main wife only needs to be sure she’s getting the lion share of the national cake”.
With this erroneous belief, you see ladies who want to marry a serial cheat because they’ve been told all men cheat!
Are you still here and have your ears? Bring it closer!
You need to read your partner. And read them from cover to cover.
Like I said, the first year of marriage to me was fun. No serious demands. I just sat and watch. Now I know how to build a home from what I have been able to get by studying her.
A marriage can’t be driven by what you brought in from the courtship face of the relationship because they don’t just match.
Everything you might think would mostly be mere expectations that won’t last the test of reality.
It’s going to be the first time in your life to work with a business partner with eternity in mind.
You probably haven’t handled a pregnant woman before and neither have you nursed a newly born. You’ve never had to plan your year with someone else in mind.
You just have to gather enough information to form the foundation of the home you plan to build.
(P.S. I say this of my own marriage. Yours might take its shot from start till the end. Whichever way, I desire success.)
How Does this Apply to those not Married?
You do the same. But shouldn’t have to wait for a year before you get yours. Same strategy but different metrics.
Your maturity is key in handling a relationship. And all you’ve learned, good or bad, is enough to make it go well or bad.
You know the first three months of a relationship where the worst of abusive words from your partner sounds so nice like a well-garnished dish?
Don’t rely on that because almost everyone is an idiot there.
It’s a moment you just can’t sleep because you are in love. Your heart beats at 1000 revolutions per second and you started to become deaf and dumb in the face of reality.
Everyone is just romantic at that phase until the oil gets dried and you begin to wonder where the magical moments went!
Note: The best test of a working relationship is how those involved are able to build a future ahead.
Wait! Don’t be too fast to say you’re doing that…
Read the part B below.
Before that, do you use the quote, “If you’ve never lied to your partner, you don’t have respect for their emotions”.
A simple question is… Do you like to be lied to?
The answer suffices!
B. The Valley of Expectations
Those who say a Rome can’t be built in a day have lied because it’s an established fact that everyone can build a mental Rome in five minutes. Lol.
By Age 22, I’m out of the university. At age 23, I’m done with my masters overseas. I’ll get a job at 24 and by 25 I’m already married to a queen (slaying or not). At age 30, I already have my own company and I’ll begin to lend to Nations.
He’s saying this and the lady is blushing her senses away. Please let’s laugh together.
If this is how you believe a man has visions, you’re the reigning ignoramus.
She sits at a corner imagining a tall and handsome man. He’s God-fearing, very rich and sincere to his last breath. He’s going to take her round the world and brings her breakfast in bed.
What else do 21st century women want in men?
If you’ve ever run a relationship with such thoughts in mind, you’re going to fail.
Say this: Every foolish imagination and expectations beclouding my senses… I jump and pass.
Now, many people approach relationships by this mind and when they can’t see the dividend of their faith enmeshed in fate, they cry foul!
Note this: If your partner doesn’t have a working life now, no matter how small, stop believing futuristic lies.
– Judge your Partner by Love, Not By Your Own Strength
It’s a serious problem when we all view others from our own perspectives.
Because you’ve found grace or been helped throughout your life, you see people who are into all kinds of mess and all you could do is to pout and talk in a disdainful manner.
Change your ways! (Talking to myself).
Now bringing that into a relationship…
You can’t be a prayer warrior all your life and expect someone you just met few months ago to stand all night praying!
The first day I had a major prayer session with my wife (before we got married), she was like… Who’s this idiot?
Just a morning prayer and we were on our knees almost an hour.
She knew she was in for trouble, even though I was expecting her to just flow along.
Ideally, your partner won’t do some things exactly the way you will and you should never expect them to.
Whenever it happens, don’t just snap at them. At least, you didn’t marry yourself. I’m talking to myself here, you know.
– Learn from my Wife
After few months in marriage, my wife finally came to terms with vain expectations.
I think she’s one of those who believes you don’t have to tell your partner what you want them to do – they have to follow their discretion.
Remember how I said you need to read your spouse? She finally did that.
When she complained I wasn’t doing enough, I asked her if she ever asked me to do anything and I refused.
Even if I’ll delay in some errands (especially when I sense it’s not urgent), I make sure I do everything she wanted me to.
We moved forward when she told herself to stop grumbling and ask for help.
Now, you should know that a relationship isn’t what you use a template for. Just study what works for you both and apply it.
Even if you want your partner to be the all-knowing, it just might not happen in few months!
You grab? You rock!
He says, “I call her 3 times daily but she calls once.” And so what? Follow your strength and stop measuring what you do against what your partner does.
I bought her an iPhone on her birthday and she is only giving me an underwear on my own birthday. Ehn ehn! That’s what she has. Appreciate it!
– He says, “Tomorrow is my birthday, so I’ll see if she will forget. If she forgets, she doesn’t love me!”
Uncle brother, why the test? Why not just remind her how tomorrow is going to be like?
– I called him, he was on the phone and couldn’t drop the call to speak with me first. Is the person more important that me, when I drop every call to attend to him? Hey, stop the nonsense!
Don’t judge him by what you can do. Drop a message and he’ll call back.
Bros, do the same too. I don’t expect my wife to drop every call to attend to me except it’s an emergency whereby I’ll call her several times.
– She’s online and not chatting with only me. Haba! Why should she?
– She’s online and not chatting with me, she’s probably chatting with another person. No! You need to understand that chat apps can say they are online and yet not chatting with anyone.
– Have you overcome some inhibitions and your partner is still struggling with some? You’re not the same so don’t expect them to achieve that at your own timing.
Stop expecting people to do whatever by default. Don’t judge them by your vain expectations and strength!
Judge by love.
First Year In Marriage Lessons #4: 3rd Party Influences
By now, you have read many articles and books on dealing with 3rd parties.
You’ve been told never to expose your relationship to third parties because you would end up regretting it in the end.
The warning is growing so much that even a fool can now learn to keep their relationship away from this common type of 3rd party influence.
You’re told that when you’re in a relationship, keep whatever happens to yourself or you open up to one or two people with whom your secrets are safe.
It’s that simple, right?
P.S. Add this to your archive:
In a relationship, it takes 2 to tango and takes 3 to be entangled. – Olalekan.
Today, I have some bad news – scary ones at that!
Before I deliver the bad news, let me share some experiences.
By knowledge, I know many homes go through all kinds of struggles only because of third parties’ influences.
Remove the 3rd party’s influence from some homes and they would do just fine.
It’s a battle we all need to engage in. And we must put on the whole armour to start the fight.
It’s not uncommon to see a father who thinks he is the almighty over his son and there’s a mother who already has channeled a path for her daughter to follow. (Just a random example, though).
When you bring all their thoughts, demand and desires into your home as a couple, you already know you begin to nurse problems for umpteen years.
Of all the misunderstanding my wife and I had while preparing for our wedding, over 90% came from 3rd parties’ influence.
And before we got married, we already knew where to shut down and where to uphold – we did just that.
As you might already know, it is not an easy task for two families of different backgrounds and values to come together on the platform of marriage.
Most times, you would need a special kind of anointing to deal with some of the matters arising from such a union.
– My Stupidity
While preparing for our wedding, my in-laws made some decisions which I relayed to my family. On hearing them, their customary sense was triggered and it all didn’t go well with them.
Obviously, my family was not happy with the move so I went to my wife to be and poured it all out to her.
In my wife’s borrowed foolishness, she took it to her own family and we ended up regretting we ever did.
This cost us a lot, but we had to find a way to manage it. We were lucky.
Rule number one: be wise!
Be very wise and diplomatic when dealing with your in-laws or you end up giving a cruel perception of your family.
If before or after the wedding, your family says A, process it before you just open your mouth up to spill it out.
Your in-laws aren’t your family so don’t expect them to sheepishly take in your words as you say them.
So I’ll say, protect your family. Don’t sell them cheap before your in-laws.
Sell them cheap and you’ll pay dearly for it.
Let that sink!
– The Visit
Just few months into the marriage, her mom came visiting and was disappointed to see that we were not waking up in the morning to have a family devotion.
So she summoned us and decided to disciple us.
I still remember I said this:
“Ma, if I say I don’t know how to run my home at this age, I should be a fool. You don’t worry about us. We will be fine.”
I was as blunt as that but later wished I had presented it better. Wisdom is profitable to direct, remember.
Let me tell you about their family:
They wake up every morning by 5:30am to observe the family devotion and by 7pm, they are indoors. They live in a remote area.
But bring that to my family or some families in Lagos where children don’t even see their parents until weekends, you expect them to follow the same routine? Na!
Most times, I’m still up by 2am at night. Then I sleep and decide to wake up any time I so wish, because I work from home. (No rat invasion, though).
Now it just doesn’t go well with me when parents still want to dictate what one needs to do in marriage.
And it’s simple: if they dictate all you do before you get married, expect it to continue when you get married.
It means, if you don’t have a life of your own as a single person, you are building up a mental struggle for yourself and your partner in marriage.
As a married person, I don’t have to reiterate that your family comes first. And the decision of your spouse supersedes your parent’s or Pastor’s.
When, against your spouse’s wish, you say, ‘I’m doing what my mom said…’ ‘I’m following what my dad suggested…’ just be sure you are burying your marriage already.
– Shine’s Arrival
Before we had Shine, we had to discuss who needed to come first between my mom and my mother-in-law.
Note: Our first daughter’s name is SHINE.
My wife wanted her mom because she was sure she would be treated well but I wanted my own mom because of few reasons.
One, if I would have to do some maths, my mom has taken care of over 30 babies and she could confirm her mom can’t match that record. Lol.
Two, we are talking about my first born here, so my mom should be the first to come!
I thought it would be simple until we began to quarrel over it.
I quickly borrowed some senses and we got back on the same track.
Here’s what we did.
1. My mom won’t be able to cook like her mom would for the very first week. She needs that most. Apart from the food, her mom obviously can’t do much more than my mom.
2. Since her mom is still in service, she can’t stay long, so she’ll be with us for the first one week before my mom would take over.
So we agreed on those premises!
Her mom was with us for a week and my mom came later to take over.
What did you notice?
I was able to rule out customs and let common sense guide me.
You have to do the same too.
So is that all about third parties?
I started by telling you I have a sad news, right?
It’s time to hear it!
If all I’ve said was okay, see the next heading.
– Engineered Influences
When I look at this generation with how much culture and life experiences have both invested to set it on self-destruct, I wouldn’t help but sigh.
I had just sighed again.
Every of these lessons ended with people asking me how I was able to do this and that and the simple answer I gave and will still give is “Start before you start”.
Someone said, “the best way to get something done is to start before you’re ready” and I can see that this has formed the basis of the life I live.
For you to know, it’s very easy for you to keep your relationship away from 3rd parties influence if their interference comes physically to you.
As for engineered influences, they come as customs and experiences turned to beliefs.
To find yourself under their shackles is to get a prize of failure even before you start a romantic relationship.
I heard your family has warned you never to bring home someone from a tribe or clan and no matter how they appear, you just must hate them.
They’ve also told you the type of a person to marry so you dare not bring home a category of people.
This type of influence forms a part of your life and you end up getting into the wrong relationship.
My wife fought this kind of battle when her mom wanted her to marry a doctor for reasons best known to her.
Anyways, she ended up marrying a doctor of relationships. Smiles.
Sadly, many people are in some undesired relationships today because of this type of influence and it weakens me to see that just a few can be freed!
Advice: Grow out of your parent’s engineered influences!
That’s not all..
For the sake of some people, let me bring your attention to a more shocking revelation of an engineered influence.
And that is… A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP!
I’ve heard it being said that “a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”, and I just wonder why we could have been so foolish to let that guide our path to a romantic relationship.
Stop the comparison because a broken relationship also do so much harm than we can imagine of a broken marriage.
I always meet people who told me they will never have to fall in love again because people they trusted with their lives jilted them.
Before this kind of people ever start a new relationship, they have put up a virtual rival against their partner.
As you would rightly guess, everything they would do will come from the experience they’ve had from previous relationships.
You’ll hear a married woman say, “I don’t trust any guy, not even my husband, because of what guys have done to me in the past”.
It’s still a 3rd party influence, just that it’s been wired into their system.
These horrible experiences form a virtual being that dictates one’s decision in a romantic relationship.
What’s worse than that?
And here you are, trying out relationships and breaking them at will because you’ve been brainwashed that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
It’s like saying HIV AIDS is a better disease than Ebola.
Stop the comparison! Stop trying out relationships! Open your eyes before you choose! And choose rightly!
Just remember, every broken relationship can break your life.
First year in Marriage Lessons #5: Equality in Marriage
Equality was one thing I learned and was so glad I did, which made the first year of marriage awesome for me – for us.
If I didn’t learn it ahead, it would have been a major challenge.
Thanks to Reverend Olabode of Eternal Life Embassy on this.
In love, we’ve learned that 1 plus 1 should be equal to one, even if many people still find it difficult to understand the ideology.
For the purpose of clarity, I’ll like to take this from two standpoints
– Equality Between Partners.
It’s no news that the equality battle between male and female is rife, so the need for proper understanding of what equality is can’t be overemphasized – especially between husband and wife.
I’ll go with the illustration my Pastor gave… I think it’s the simplest way it can be explained.
This is it…
Irrespective of your age, background, achievements, position or whatsoever, you should see your partner as a friend.
See this scenario:
There are two friends who started primary school together and on and on to the University – the same school throughout.
They graduated the same year, got into the labour market and applied in several companies for the same post, since they studied the same course.
Fortunately, they were both employed into the same company the same day.
The two vacant posts available as at the time they came for an interview were that of a manager and an assistant manager.
Now, they both can’t be the manager. So, for orderliness, one has to be the General Manager as the other takes the position of the Assistant General Manager.
This placement is determined solely by the organization and most times isn’t dependent on one’s strength or value.
Let us relate it now…
You and your partner are the two friends.
The company you were employed to is marriage.
And God who’s the owner of the company has designed that the man should take lead while the wife assists. He just chose to make it so.
Now, has that made them unequal?
Does that stop them from being the friends they’ve been?
Yet, the assistant manager would have to accord the manager his due respect not because he’s superior to her but for the sake of the office he’s occupying. And for the company to run as the owner intended, orderliness MUST be maintained.
Talking of equality, a lot of people get it all wrong when they see it means to be on the same level, earn the same amount of money or support individual’s parents equally.
Today, many people fail to see that being richer than their spouses shouldn’t be a reason to think they are ahead of them.
Remember how I said you should judge by Love and not your own strength?
The same applies in equality.
It’s a lifetime fact that a couple won’t excel equally and this should in no way bring disparity or superiority into our relationships.
In equality, whatever you have plus whatever your partner has makes a whole of what the family has and needs.
And to think that you’re superior because you are older, make more money or have more knowledge is to drive your marriage off course.
Even before marriage, you’re not to feel you’re better than your partner because you have more connection, more money or more knowledge.
The idea of equality in romantic relationships is to act according to the strength God has given you.
If you give 80% and your partner gives a 20, that doesn’t make you better.
Calculators are not allowed in romantic relationships!
“Relationship isn’t a race for superiority but a walk for unity”
Let me add this…
I so much love the banks and some other organizations where everybody answers their first name no matter what position you hold, yet they maintain sanity.
As a man, you shouldn’t be called my most Reverend Lord and Saviour before you know you’re the head.
It’s in leadership!
– Family Members and Finance
As a married person, there’s every possibility that your family and your spouse’s won’t have the same financial challenges, hence the need to learn equality.
So I learned that equality isn’t when you give an equal amount of money to both families all the time.
You give more to the family with more needs.
For example, your spouse’s parent needs a medical bill of #500,000 to settle while your own parent just needs #50,000 for their upkeep.
Equality is when you give them what they need, and not when you give both #50,000 each.
Someone will be like… “Since we’re planning to give your parents this sum, we must give the same to my own parents.
I believe that’s not how to run a home because in a situation where you can’t raise the same amount for them at the same time, you end up heaping up troubles for your home.
Your parents have a house they built by themselves? Then it’s equality to support your spouse to build one for their own parents and not demand that both families must have a newly built house each.
Aren’t you awesome to have stayed with me for the last five days?
Have a holy kiss. 😘
Seriously, thanks for reading.
Wuraola, you know I love you beyond words, right? Thank you for your effort so far.
Over to you…
– Got something to say? I’m all ears.
– Feel you should share this? Kindly do.