emotionally abusive
Credit: Dude Where's My Hair

She preferred an emotionally abusive guy over me

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They say it’s good to know what you want and go for it, but that hasn’t worked for me. I found a girl who would rather keep me as a friend while she served herself like a buffet to a ravenous and emotionally abusive guy. 

Veronica and I met at a boot camp organized by one organization I used to volunteer for. I found her to be a very smart person with a beautiful mind. She challenged my sensibilities and I just wanted to remain in her company. We exchanged contact and promised to keep talking after that day.

Soon, we were very good friends, and I was privy to information about her love life. It was quite exciting for me to know she was single, but not for long, as she was already considering a guy as at the time we met. All my effort to win her over proved futile; she had made up her mind about giving him a chance. Veronica however asked me to remain her friend, and not leave her because she couldn’t date me.

It was painful, but since I didn’t want to pass off as a guy who was her friend only for the benefits, I decided to stay. Although I secretly hoped that things wouldn’t turn out well between both of them, I still went on to show verbal support and understanding of her decision. Veronica was grateful and promised to make me her bestie. That was my first introduction to the friendzone.

We kept it going and I was tying to focus on my job and other stuff, hoping that Veronica will take me out of the zone someday. It was not too long before I started feeling like my prayers are being answered. Veronica and her boyfriend started having issues. He was emotionally abusive and she would always run to me to pour out her heart. I tried to offer the succor I could, but I secretly wanted her to break up without mentioning it directly.

Thaddy (full meaning, Thaddeus – her boyfriend) was a narcissist. He was a chauvinist too! Deeply entrenched in patriarchy and showed very little respect for women. Everything had to be about him. He wanted to be worshiped literally and Veronica had issues with that, so they were always having clashes.

Thaddy didn’t beat her, but he had a way with words that always hit Veronica in the wrong spots. He also had a habit of keeping malice with her, and purposely making her jealous whenever they were not in talking terms. He would hang out with other girls and make it look so enjoyable in Veronica’s presence. Sometimes, he would even introduce her to those girls as his ‘good friend’ and not his ‘girlfriend’.

Despite being emotionally abusive, Veronica was still in love. She just couldn’t understand why she should leave him so soon. As bad as Thaddy can be when he doesn’t have his way, he can also be the sweetest when he gets his way. Each time they find a way to reconcile, he becomes the most romantic boyfriend in the world. He takes her on several romantic trips, and treats her like a queen. Veronica obviously loves that life, and would often compromise sometimes just to make sure Thaddy isn’t offended, and chances of him becoming a monster is reduced to the barest minimum.

But I was the other guy at the side she would always pour out her true feeling to. She would tell me what she’s keeping up with just to make her boyfriend happy. And I would be the one to advise her to find a way to let him know she’s not enjoying his narcissistic nature. But fear would not let her heed. It was even more difficult to tell her to break up. I would be the enemy if I did that.

This continued for over eighteen months. Thaddy was not getting any better, Veronica was not tired, I was still that guy in the zone. Something however happened that changed the dynamics of the entire relationship between the three of us.

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It was Veronica’s birthday that year and it was sponsored by her boyfriend who came along with his friends. At some point, Thaddy’s friends were high and they asked him to dance with Veronica for their pleasure. Not wanting to ‘fall the hands’ of his friends, he beckoned on her to have a dance, but she complained that she was stressed and would just love to watch others dance. Thaddy would have none of it, but Veronica was also adamant, asking him to respect her.

In his emotionally abusive style, Thaddy tried blackmailing her by reminding her that he sponsored the whole party and had all the rights to ask her to dance. He then threatened by saying he would end the party and embarrass her in front of her friends if she did not oblige him. Veronica didn’t think he could do it, so she called his bluff. In a twinkle, Thaddy asked the DJ to stop playing and told everyone to leave for their homes as the party was over. He took his friends out, leaving everyone in a dumbfounded state.

It took Veronica three days to recover from the shock. I was there for her all through, but Thaddy never called. That was my perfect opportunity to open up. I asked Veronica to be with me and leave Thaddy. She struggled with it for a bit, and told me she would give me a response in three days, during which I was not allowed to reach out to her.

Those three days were the longest days of my life. I understood she needed time to clear her head and purge herself off all the toxicity of Thaddy, so I had hopes the response would be positive.

Three days passed and I didn’t hear from Veronica. The fourth day came and went, still no word from her. On the fifth day, I called her line but there was no response, so I decided to check her at home.

Ladies and gentlemen, on getting to Veronica’s place, she was in the loving arms of Thaddy, and they were having a good time. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but I had to comport myself and act along.

After a few days, I summoned courage to ask Veronica why she did what she did. She told me Thaddy came back begging and she had to accept him. I tried putting her on the spot by asking her to choose between me, a guy who’s spent over two years waiting on her love, and Thaddy, a guy who is emotionally abusive.

Veronica didn’t waste anytime in telling me the best she could be with me is a friend. Thaddy meant so much to her than I did. That was my cue to leave. It was my last time of ever speaking to her.

She taught me to believe that many women hardly use their heads when they love; everything lies in their hearts. The reason why they can’t leave men who beat them.

I am in a relationship now, and we are heading towards the alter soon. I hope Veronica is fine wherever she is, and she is no longer with that emotionally abusive dude.

 

– as sent in by Brume, F.

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Olumide ‘Glowville’ Lawrence is a Digital & Social Media Strategist, Content/Concept Developer and Blogger with special interest in the fun side of relationships. His blog – glowville.net – is his creative expression of how he views dating and relationships.

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One comment

  1. Really quite crazy but understandable.
    I hope Vero won’t regret the future.
    You know, when girls are girls, they look for such masochistic alpha males but when they become women, they wish for humble, gentle, listening and homily guys.
    Even the same for some men, who when boys, want girls who know the latest, and are currently up to date with trends, ever partying but when they become men, they seek for homily women who are gentle and can just stay home to train their kids.

    Such is life!
    By the way who wrote that novel, such is life? Do you remember?

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