Reading a story in your Breakup column brought back some memories, so I decided to share my own breakup story with you about the crush that taught me to hide my feelings.
I had a serious crush on one guy, the first person I ever crushed on. He was an OAP at a popular radio station when I met him. He asked me out on a date several times but I couldn’t make it. I came up with different excuses each time, not because I was avoiding him, but I didn’t feel ready to get that close with him. However, we were always chatting and despite the fact that I made it a habit to call him everyday, he never returned my calls for once.
At a time, I began to realize that I was bugging him but the butterflies in my stomach would flap so bad that I would still dial his number just to hear his voice. He then asked us to meet, but this time he did not want us to meet in an eatery, mall or any public place, he wanted me to come to his house.
It felt weird but I still went because my village people mixed up with the stupid feelings I had for him and pushed me to agree. The date started well. I met his little cute siblings, his parents and few friends. It was very lovely, and I was on top of the world – cloud 9 precisely.
He was wild and crazy but I totally loved everything about him, I didn’t mind. But to him, I wasn’t his type of girl. He said I was too much of a good girl and oooh I was too skinny for him. (I admit, I was so thin, a little wind could throw me away but thank God for my life now, I’ve added some weight, lol)
Well, to cut the long story short, he just went MIA after a few dates. He shut me out of his life, changed his number and totally made it difficult for me to see him. After some time of fruitless efforts at reaching him, I finally realized he didn’t want me, and probably never really cared about me like I did him. I found out later that I was just one of those girls that bugged him.
The experience broke me to pieces. I felt like I had given myself too cheaply too him. Even though we never really dated or had anything special, I felt rejected because I came out to express my love to easily. I felt not good enough, not beautiful enough, I lost some confidence in myself, and had to start binge eating to gain weight by all means. I almost created unnecessary health problems for myself. My friends and family couldn’t fathom what happened to me, because I couldn’t tell them I was suffering depression cos of a guy.
What the guy did to me kinda taught me to hide my feelings because the very first time I did show it, I was taken for granted. I had to let him go, but he will always be that special guy I once knew. After him, I have not really had a serious crush on any other person.
All these happened five years ago.