The main purpose of any relationship is to see to the betterment of one’s self and partner. I believe that relationships should be about inspiring your partner to move forward and helping them get better in every facet of life. In the process of being in a relationship though, one shouldn’t lose his or herself. This forms the crux of my story today, and why I broke up with Tade when I became financially uncomfortable with him.
Tade and I dated for a little over 4 years. We met while in our final year. Tade was everything and more. He kept pushing me to do better, until we completed the NYSC program and started working.
Tade and I earned about a 100 Thousand Naira each. I worked at a food processing company, while he, a radio station.
While working, I tried searching for bigger opportunities; I kept taking interviews upon interviews, attending seminars, making researches and even reading. At some point, I got promoted at work. This was about 3 years into our relationship. The promotion came with its perks; a car, a bonus and even my own office!
Tade on the other hand was still on a spot, unmoved and unfazed. He remained comfortable working at the radio station with a pay of 100 Thousand Naira. I kept encouraging him to do something that would trigger a promotion, or maybe seek opportunities in bigger radio stations, but no, he said a promotion would happen in due time.
One time, his colleagues were to sit for an exam that could land them a huge score at the station. Tade said he will try to take it and somehow I believed him. He came home the next day, saying he didn’t end up sitting for it as the boss already selected his brother’s wife sister. At that point, I gave up. Really, I did.
I got tired of pushing him, of encouraging him, of making him see reasons as to why he should do better. But then again, who gives up on the one they love?
So I personally spoke with a friend’s dad on Tade’s behalf. He was to host a top celebrity’s interview section on a particular Saturday. I asked Tade in the evening about how it went, only for him to say something important came up. I was to find out later though my friend that her dad was upset because my boyfriend didn’t show up. Gosh! I was livid. What kind of thing could have come up? What could have been more important than his future? Our future?
I knew I was done. I couldn’t keep up with his complacency. His attitude towards life was unbecoming and unbearable. He didn’t even care about his financial status, his career, and how it could get better. It looked to me like we had different goals at this point.
When I told him about my worries, he started begging and making promises we both knew he wouldn’t keep, then he talked about taking the relationship to the next level. Tade asked me to marry him. Really?
Truth is, a part of me wanted to marry him. But how do I know he wouldn’t slip back into that guy with zero ambition? And I really was done. Looked like I was too ambitious for him and he wasn’t moving along with my growth rate. I had become financially uncomfortable with him, and there was a gulf between us already.
For me, we were better apart. I hope he meets someone who is comfortable with his level, but I have decided to chart my own course. No regrets.
– As sent in by Mercy. B