Should asking your husband to help with house chores really be a big deal? Afterall, he is your man, and he should be willing to help out by default! Why are men so uninterested in doing simple things such as sweeping the floor?
There have been quite a number of debates and views centered around how couples manage house chores. I have read a lot of opinion articles about this topic, some people have held on traditional views of leaving it all to the woman and her children (when she begins to have them). Some other people have opined that a maid should be engaged, and in the case where the couple can’t afford one, they get one of the wife’s siblings to come over and help.
I have also read articles that suggested that men should offer to help their wives. This particularly caused a stir among men who feel it is wrong for men to subject themselves to chores such as sweeping or washing clothes. Ladies on the other hand, have also raised some form of campaign for men to drop their ego and start joining some of the chores at home.
In the end of it all, I realized that something is essentially missing in the way we look at men in marriage, and how chores should be managed between couples.
I stumbled upon a lovely piece sometimes last year on Facebook. It was written by Kemi Adebumiti, also known as Kemi Goldstream. Her piece actually sheds some light on you as a wife should understand before asking your husband to help with house chores. This should go a long way to solve problems within couples rising from chores.
Let’s read from her.
I discovered that the problem with men helping in doing house chores most times isn’t in the work itself but the way the woman tables it.
Remember men are egoistic. Be careful, so that sharing of house chores doesn’t become a major issue you bring before him all the time. If you are not careful, you will be unconsciously killing the initial interest he has in helping out.
Some years back, a friend visited me and met my ex washing dishes. She was surprised. Later she asked me “How did you manage to get this guy to do things for you…blablabla”, it was then it came to my awareness that it’s not that way in majority of relationships.
I told her it’s a very normal thing to me. And yeah, that’s the truth. I never dated anyone who didn’t do house chores when need be. It’s so normal to me. Even as my paddy male friend, who just comes to visit, you won’t know when you’ll join in the kitchen, except I don’t want you to. 😝
But this doesn’t come by claiming a right…
When I see ladies campaign this issue, I don’t know what to think.
If you’re smart, you know how to get your guy to do things for you without him even feeling he’s doing anything.
You don’t need force, neither do you need to make a fuss in trying to compel him. You don’t need to declare a war if he doesn’t oblige you. All you just need to first know is that you won’t die if he doesn’t help, life goes on. Thereafter, you then learn the right approach to talk to him.
In learning the right approach, I will still take us back to her opening statement. Asking for a man’s help with house chores (no matter what kind) is not in the work itself, it is about how you table it before him. A lot of men are compassionate deep withing, even if they put up the facade of someone who isn’t. As a wife, you should know how to dig deep into your man and get him to do whatever you want.
In the midst of all the argument about men and house chores, there are a lot of men who do the greater part of the chores at home; not because their wife takes care of greater responsibility, but because there is mutual understanding between the couple, and they are cool with it.
Love and understanding can not be underestimated in marriage. When it exists in healthy dose, you will both act naturally, and issues like chores will never be anything to worry about.