Whether you are trying to get into a relationship or already in one. There are certain things to pay attention to apart from the physical and psychological attributes of your (potential) lover. You also need to be wary of habits that can be a potential threat to a happy relationship. Learn from Folakemi’s experience with her ex who had bad alcohol habits.
5 years and 3 months now, but my near death experience remains vividly clear in my mind like it happened only yesterday. I owe my life to God when I could have lost it to my stubborn love for Rotimi, and his alcohol habits.
Rotimi was a very sweet person; I adored him and still do. He remains one of the best people I never had the opportunity to sustain a long-term relationship with, all because of his alcohol habits. He had everything going for him; at a young age, he had acquired his masters and was working with a PR firm. He handled top portfolios for his company and dealt with a lot of top firms and entertainers in Nigeria. Rotimi had all he wanted and was really on top of his game. He had a wonderful personally to match all the glamour around him, it was very hard not to have fallen for him when we luckily sat beside each other at an Award Ceremony his company handled publicity for.
We talked more than we concentrated and I had to really fight the temptation not to go home with him after the gig.
It was just a matter of time before we started seeing each other. He was not everything I wanted in a man in terms of physical appearance, but he had most of what I wanted in terms of mind and personality. He loved family, he was kind, generous, romantic, and loyal! Rotimi is the only boyfriend I can vouch for as a one-woman man; he is loyal to a fault!
Rotimi however opened my senses to another aspect of things I should look out for in a man – the habits!
He had a few other unpleasant habit asides his habit for alcohol. He kept late nights, although I understood it was due to the nature of his job, but even when he was not doing work, he still loved o keep late nights.
I didn’t really mind the habits. I felt I could talk to him about them and help him drop them later on, but whilst he was faring quite well with others, his alcoholic habit was a die-hard; it was getting worse. I lost count of how many times I had to clean up vomit in his house, or tend to him when he was having a hangover. He once had a terrible hangover that landed him in the hospital, I had to take a sick leave to be with him all through.
I asked his friends to talk to him after that incidence and he changed for a few weeks, but soon after he was back to the bar. This time, it seemed he went back to double his drinking prowess. I didn’t know what to do, I cried and pleaded but he didn’t change. My friends advised me to leave him for a while and hope he can be sober enough to leave the habit just to be with me, since it appeared that he really loved me. It felt like a good advice and I was willing to try it.
Rotimi and I attended one of his friend’s wedding reception around Ajah. By the time we were ready to leave, traffic had hit the road and it was too terrible. His other friends advised him to wait for the traffic to subside before hitting the road, so we had to stay back. That became an opportunity for Rotimi to drink heavily. Whilst his friends were being a bit cautious, he was carefree. When it was, we were ready to leave but Rotimi was clearly tipsy. He couldn’t stand straight anymore. His friends jokingly asked if he was going to drive and he confidently retorted that he taught them all to drive and thus he could drive himself even if he was blind.
We left Ajah at exactly and set off for the Mainland where Rotimi lived. We had barely gone a kilometre when I started noticing Rotimi unusual driving pattern. Within three minutes, we were inches from hitting other vehicles. The last one was avoided by a very timely application of the brakes. I was really scared of what would happen when we get to Third Mainland Bridge. At that point, I wished I had learnt to drive (I advise all ladies to learn driving please) I would have asked him to let me drive. For the first time, I was really exposed to the danger of Rotimi’s bad habit.
I had initially been scared that heeding to my friend’s advice to leave Rotimi would let him sink deeper in the habit instead of helping him overcome it, but after seeing what he did, I resolved to give him a break if we get home.
We had barely driven out of Victoria Island when I started noticing that Rotimi couldn’t apply his brakes anymore. He was swerving and trying to avoid other vehicles, looking for a way to make the brakes come back to life. I was in panic and didn’t know what to do. I kept screaming Jesus until I heard a lout bang. Then I woke up on a bed in the hospital with so much pain around my head and legs. The Doctor told me that we hit a concrete pole and the car somersaulted a few times. Rotimi was also receiving medical attention; although he was in a more serious situation than me, the Doctor assured me that he would be fine.
I spent up to a month in the hospital while Rotimi stayed an extra one. I patiently waited for him to fully recuperate before breaking off the relationship for good.
This experience, I hope, would make him sober and take the alcohol habits from him. But I just couldn’t risk what next his bad habit might have in stock for me. Once bitten, twice shy.