wife material

10 commandments for every wife material who visits her fiancé’s family

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You are most likely reading this because you are a wife material. Let me welcome you specially. But I know there are a lot of other people who are here out of their curiosity. To those people, I beseech you to read, digest and share with every wife material around you. 

She that hath ears, let her listeneth to what the prophetess sayeth.

1. If you go to your fiancé’s house and his mom gives you food with four pieces of meat, eat only one and remain the other three. It is a trap/test. Simple home training should teach you that. And if it’s gizzard, reject it.

2. If you visit your prospective fiancé and meet a pile of dirty clothes in his room, and plates not washed from last year and you leave without washing the clothes/plates, you have failed the test of being a wife material.

3. If you visit your fiancé’s family house during Christmas and everyone is watching TV in the sitting room, don’t sit with them. Enter the kitchen and find work to do. It is a trap.

4. If your fiancé takes you shopping and asks you to pick whatever you want, don’t fall for that trap. Take toothpaste and one toothbrush. Your teeth is all that matters. It is a test to know if you’re a gold digger or a home management woman. Kill him with your fresh breathe and smiles alone.

5. If your fiancé sits with his friends and engage in a social conversation, don’t join the discussion. In fact, leave the room and give them space. It is a test to see if you respect him.

6. If your man asks your opinion about an issue, say you don’t know. Make him feel like the man. It will make him respect you. Don’t talk if you’re not spoken to.

7. Once you marry your husband, throw away your sim card. This will make him trust your loyalty and faithfulness. Cut off your friends. He is the only person you need in life. If possible, resign from work too.

8. If your man does not have a Facebook account, do not open one. Wait until he gives you permission to be on social media. He knows what is best for you.

9. If you know that your husband/man is cheating on you, buy condoms and put it inside his travelling bag whenever he has a trip or even when he goes to work. Pray over his boxers and anoint his singlet. It will make him wake up one day after 42 years and say, ‘oh!, the devul used me my lof, I was bewitched by the daughters of Jezebel and the nieces of Delilah’.

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10. Never act like you like or enjoy sex with your husband. Ashewo, where did you learn that sound from? Orgasm is not your portion. How dare you want to squeeze your man’s butt? How dare you know where to kiss him? Who taught you to move and wiggle?


Sisthrens, if you have not been doing any of the above, repent now. Go and sin no more. Your sins are forgiven! This is your last chance. And for those of us who know these helpful tips and keep it away, you think you are doing us shey?

Signed:
Prophetess Ekpriesit Oyobio nee Sister Ekpriesit Nkwang-ukod.‎

 

Don’t be stingy. Share this with every wife material you know. How else will you be helping her stay long in her husband’s house? lol.

Just in case you are wondering what’s happening here. This is a ‘feel-good’ post. It is just a sarcastic way to look at the woman an average Nigerian terms ‘wife-material’ and what is generally expected of her. Don’t take it too personal.

Laugh on with us, and add your own ideas in the comments section below.

This ten commandments for every wife material is a post originally written by Enwongo Cleopas.

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About Admin

Olumide ‘Glowville’ Lawrence is a Digital & Social Media Strategist, Content/Concept Developer and Blogger with special interest in the fun side of relationships. His blog – glowville.net – is his creative expression of how he views dating and relationships.

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One comment

  1. Dear future husband -to- be; when you go visiting her family;
    1. please ensure you prostrate to the lowest minimum angle to greet everyone you come across. Knock on all their neighbour’s door to greet, for when thou hath gone, they shall analyse your every move.

    2. When you come into the house, sit on one spot throughout and put your hands in between your laps, this is the position that will be used to tell if you are humble.

    3. When you are offered food, first decline but don’t you dare not eat! Shakara before accepting whatever you are offered shows you are well brought up.

    4. As you sef carry your big head to marry a Yoruba shild. I hope before coming over you have encouraged and braced your mouth, tongue and system for the impact of the pepper thou shall eat. Don’t you dare squeeze your face while eating, don’t you dare try to drink water. No tears! You better maintain! And please don’t pollute mistakenly while you are at it. It is a training ground for all thou shalt eat when you get married.

    5. While eating, you must chew really loudly. Chew like a horse. A man that doesn’t Chew loudly, is that one a man?

    6. Save the meat for the last. Notice “the meat,” if you are given 5 pieces of meat, eat only half of one. I repeat only half and then offer the remaining half to your wife to be. While putting it in her mouth, say this loud for everyone to hear, while looking into her eyes of course: “till I am old and frail, I will share equally with you every single thing I own or get.” and no don’t you try to kiss or even peck her. If you try it; thou shall receive the anointing of a turning stick.

    7. I hope you finished every single grain of rice in the plate and I hope you kept talking about the richness and sweetness of the food. Now as you don finish, don’t you dare carry the plates to the kitchen. Tell your mother-in- law to be you are done. If you carry your plates to the kitchen, if you wash it; they will perceive you as weak. Instruct your mother -in- law in a subtle way to carry the plates. She loves a strong man that knows his rights!

    8. Drink water when you are finally done. Please drink a lot and drink loudly. I am sure thy mother- in- law to be shall praise thee. Thou shalt hear the stories of how your wife to be never drinks enough water and trust women, from there she will tell you all the sins of thy wife to be. Eureka! Isn’t that what you were hoping to hear?

    9. When you have rested for 10minutes, it shall not be more than 10minutes, ask for the family’s laundry basket, if they tell you; “no, you are a guest.” Thou shall insist, it is a trap and thou must not fall for it. Get the laundry basket, fold your clothes, remove your trousers leaving your boxers and get to work! Wash well. This is the secret to having to pay nothing for the bride price! Don’t leave a single piece and don’t you dare spend up to an hour.

    10. Now it is time to take your leave, don’t rest after washing, you will be perceived as weak. I hope you came with a lot of money, give everybody a generous amount of money, give your mother-in- law to be the highest amount, give the father and please add gifts of boxers and deodorant for the father so there will be no comparison after you have taken your leave. Give thy wife- to- be gifts and money, give her siblings and knock on every of their neighbours doors and spend more cash brother! Remember to prostrate while giving the money! When taking your leave, don’t forget to kiss your mother- in- law softly on the lips! And please tell me you didn’t drive down! Don’t you dare show any trace of pride!

    Brother, go home rest assured! Cross out “get a woman to marry by —– age” from your list. You are now a married man rest assured.

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