You are most likely reading this because you are a wife material. Let me welcome you specially. But I know there are a lot of other people who are here out of their curiosity. To those people, I beseech you to read, digest and share with every wife material around you.
She that hath ears, let her listeneth to what the prophetess sayeth.
1. If you go to your fiancé’s house and his mom gives you food with four pieces of meat, eat only one and remain the other three. It is a trap/test. Simple home training should teach you that. And if it’s gizzard, reject it.
2. If you visit your prospective fiancé and meet a pile of dirty clothes in his room, and plates not washed from last year and you leave without washing the clothes/plates, you have failed the test of being a wife material.
3. If you visit your fiancé’s family house during Christmas and everyone is watching TV in the sitting room, don’t sit with them. Enter the kitchen and find work to do. It is a trap.
4. If your fiancé takes you shopping and asks you to pick whatever you want, don’t fall for that trap. Take toothpaste and one toothbrush. Your teeth is all that matters. It is a test to know if you’re a gold digger or a home management woman. Kill him with your fresh breathe and smiles alone.
5. If your fiancé sits with his friends and engage in a social conversation, don’t join the discussion. In fact, leave the room and give them space. It is a test to see if you respect him.
6. If your man asks your opinion about an issue, say you don’t know. Make him feel like the man. It will make him respect you. Don’t talk if you’re not spoken to.
7. Once you marry your husband, throw away your sim card. This will make him trust your loyalty and faithfulness. Cut off your friends. He is the only person you need in life. If possible, resign from work too.
8. If your man does not have a Facebook account, do not open one. Wait until he gives you permission to be on social media. He knows what is best for you.
9. If you know that your husband/man is cheating on you, buy condoms and put it inside his travelling bag whenever he has a trip or even when he goes to work. Pray over his boxers and anoint his singlet. It will make him wake up one day after 42 years and say, ‘oh!, the devul used me my lof, I was bewitched by the daughters of Jezebel and the nieces of Delilah’.
10. Never act like you like or enjoy sex with your husband. Ashewo, where did you learn that sound from? Orgasm is not your portion. How dare you want to squeeze your man’s butt? How dare you know where to kiss him? Who taught you to move and wiggle?
Sisthrens, if you have not been doing any of the above, repent now. Go and sin no more. Your sins are forgiven! This is your last chance. And for those of us who know these helpful tips and keep it away, you think you are doing us shey?
Prophetess Ekpriesit Oyobio nee Sister Ekpriesit Nkwang-ukod.
Don’t be stingy. Share this with every wife material you know. How else will you be helping her stay long in her husband’s house? lol.
Just in case you are wondering what’s happening here. This is a ‘feel-good’ post. It is just a sarcastic way to look at the woman an average Nigerian terms ‘wife-material’ and what is generally expected of her. Don’t take it too personal.
Laugh on with us, and add your own ideas in the comments section below.